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Would you name your tumor after me? Maybe if I asked real snide?

So... this is where it all comes
  Crashing
And it's all over, save the impact
Smashing
   Here, at the Apex of your lie
I have so far to fall to find truth
And you have nothing left to lose

   I lost you at hello, you had me til goodbye

 

I never, for a moment in time, saw this coming

  I blinked

    And had nothing left to do

But careen back to earth like a burnt out star

                                      Pretty and pointless

I won't make any dreams come true

  I'll just fall

Burning like the cigarette you crushed out on my heart

Yearning to be there when they tell you

That the only thing I didn't like about your kisses

 

Just    Gave   You   Cancer

 

   And baby, I hope small cell carcenoma tastes just like me

I want to be your heartrate monitor when you flatline

It's the sweetest note you'll ever sing

  I'll remember you always, just the way you spent your time

 

Lying

 

Previously to me, or with me

Presently beneath.

Author notes

'this is an S.O.S.'
'B.l.e.e.d for me baby, Show me how much it hurts'
not sure if this is what you wanted, hope you like it

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • My Last Breath.x
    November 22, 2007

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    Wow..This is amazingly written. I love the format and the word choice. I've actually had the exact same thing happen to me before, or at least it seems like the exact same thing. So I know how you feel. Anyways. Great write! I love it!

    Ali<3


  • Sinnastarr silver member
    November 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was an enjoyable read. You painted a very vivid picture here. I see why this piece won an honorable trophy.
    Well done.
    Keep up the good writing.


  • danceswsquirrels
    August 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wowwwwww.... when you're burned... you inflame everyone in the area! I know what you mean now...
    I like the awesome twist to a romantic movie quote! and the cold truth, to an even colder bitch... Not jaded... But sometimes even the best of people feel a little revenge is in order for certain wrongs...

    My ownly critique the line about you being the heart moniter... if you're the heart moniter and she flatlines.. wouldn't it be the sweetest note she ever heard? or the sweetest note I'll ever sing?

    But I'm glad we were talking about this lastnight! Totally worth reading!

    Oh yea you are a star baby.. but you'ow full o' fi-are! oh yea!

    J~~


  • Rose Dark Thorn silver member
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is pretty damn deep, darling. I'm sorry that this happened, and I know it must have been pretty painful to deal with. I hope you know that I sympathize, and that these wounds will eventually heal. I'm pretty sure you're headed to a good start. ♥

  • Mercury Rising
    August 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Quite the intense poem with some striking images that really get your point across in a non-cliched manner.
    Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering this excellent piece.

    David


  • whiterabbit.
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is just amazing. I love it. There's so much emotion showing through your words. Wonderful write, I really adore this piece.


  • over the rainbow--x
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    'And baby, I hope small cell carcenoma tastes just like me
    I want to be your heartrate monitor when you flatline
    It's the sweetest note you'll ever sing
    I'll remember you always, just the way you spent your time



    Lying'

    Those words, are amazing...
    I don't know the words almost drip bitterness && hate to me, great write sweetie,

    **finalist**

    ♥


  • cquinne
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Lots of Thumbs Up for this Dark Poem

    Wow. This is a wonderful poem. I love the fact that you don't hide your contempt. The pain shines right through. The title's a real attention-grabber, too. Yay!


  • poetryality silver member
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    When I read the title of the poem, I thought let me go read what the hell this smart-ass is talking about. I came to discover a brilliant work of free verse with mounds of angst mixed with pain. Yes, you b.l.e.e.d all over this page poet. Brilliant work. I love the metaphor, and the sense of disdain that spills onto the page. I like your style. You are a smart-ass in a very good way. LOL I wish you well in the contest.


    Much Love & Respect ♥

    Renee

  • Sunbreathes...ra
    August 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I want to be your heartrate monitor when you flatline

    It's the sweetest note you'll ever sing

    I'll remember you always, just the way you spent your time



    Lying



    Previously to me, or with me

    Presently beneath.

    this piece made shivers go right through me...WOW...pain screaming from this piece


  • screamin2u
    August 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Really great poem

    I LOVE this one. The imagery. The Drakness, the hate, the loss; all of it. I loved each and every word. The Title reaaly caught me, I thought it was smart and it held a constant point of interest throughout the whole poem. Smoking kills, we all know that, but the way you said it, with such a different twist, makes me consider different assects of it. The lines "That the only thing I didn't like about your kisse/
    Just Gave You Cancer" rang through loud and clear. Amazing poem, hope to see more like it.

1 - 11 of 11