Dare me to hope
Dare me to dream
Dare me to laugh
Dare me to scream
Dare me to hug
Dare me kiss
Dare me to try
Dare me to miss
Dare me to love
Dare me to care
Dare me to steal
Dare me to share
Dare me to crash
Dare me to burn
Dare me to think
Dare me to learn
Dare me to take
Dare me to grab
Dare me to want
Dare me to have
This is just a game of chance
Tangled up in your web of lies
Wilted black roses in my hand
Hearing sounds of painful cries
These toxic tears fall down my cheek
And remind me of your gastly face
This razor sharp feeling at my side
And the time is just a waste
Stay far away from me
And get out of my life
I dont need someone like you
Because I was a victim and it cut me like a knife
Dare me to hope
Dare me to dream
Dare me to laugh
Dare me to scream
Stop all of this questioning
And quit asking me "why?"
Have a nice life loser
Goodbye!
Author notes
This is just for the contest Im in and I felt like writing a dark poem. Its not TOO dark but its okay. Right?
"Drug Cocktail"
xx-flawlessbeauty-xx and #5
A contest entry
- Candy Coated Lies && Acid Tears by ThnxsForTheMmrs-x-.
425 points, ended August 23, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So bored by xXLoveXx.
525 points, ended August 22, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bored out of my mind!!!! by Kappa Pyua.
525 points, ended September 1, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - .:.My Hero.:. Dark Writes... by Dead Hair.
525 points, ended September 30, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THIRD TIME LUCKY by maa.
333 points, ended August 25, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This Horror by B.bdawn.
525 points, ended October 23, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win a Trophy? by Nam.
1750 points, ended October 18, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Morbidly Pretty by Nostalgia.
550 points, ended October 15, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write Me Into The Dumps Of Your Life by Nostalgia.
475 points, ended October 29, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Everythng we dare is a gamble as you said but there no losers. He who takes that dare, wins for having tried. Only losers dont gamble!!!
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I have some critiicam BuT ONLY BECAUSE I KNOW THERE IS MASSIVE POTENTIAL HERE, and it really made me think, cuz I've been hurt liket his before. I think it is beautful, and it takes TALENT to keep a rhythm going... and you did just that... The repetition was good I think, but maybe a little too long... but the rhyming and rhythm was again, great. Maybe change Dare to something else at some point?
I'm not poem critique... but I think there are a few things you could change or work on... the end, with "goodbye" sounds a little too humurous for the way the poem is, though I know sometimes it can add something to a poem... I feel like this needed more sadness to it. There are some cliche words, but you have something so powerful and emotional here, I know it can work with a few changes. (feeling of razor edges by your side was beautiful, time being a waste-precious and lovely and dark... ghastly face? makes it seem like you loved someone not worth loving from the start... maybe include why you fell for this loser in the first place in some way, make it more real that way...) and the long sentence "because I was a victim and it cut me like a knife"-that sentence sounds a little whiney, and it's a tiny bit out of rhythm, maybe you can shorten it somehow? The last paragraph could maybe be more poetic, but I know you are just letting off steam too.Overall though, I tought the rhythm was FANTASTIC and the goal was beauiful. Such pain I can tell..
That was long. I felt like poisonfromheaven was a little too harsh for no reason so here's my two cents
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Is it just me...Or does it seem like I've read this piece before? (scrolls down) yes, I think I have...The repeating caught my attension, but after awhile it got a little tiresome. The ending was flawed, and your letter count thiggy was off. Though this was a relitivly nice piece, and fairly good. It didn't quite fit my mood. I wanted something a little more...real. That sucked me into your life, your thoughts, your feelings ect. I like how it's obvious your pissed at someone and are leaving. But then again I don't like it, I didn't find anything origanal in this piece, with flare, (or the kind I want) I found no deep meaning or insightful crap, it's sorta the same old same old. BTW, personally I like pieces I haven't already read. But thanks for entering. Seeing as how I am not in the best of moods, you've won honor points for braving my fearsome dragon steam.
Thanks again, work on it, and I am sure it may get better.
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The repetition of "DARE ME" was a bit long in the beginning.
"And remind me of your gastly face"
"gastly" would be "ghastly".
"I dont need someone like you
Because I was a victim and it cut me like a knife"
"dont" would be "don't" in the first line. In the second line the word
"Because" isn't needed, it works better without it.
The end was a tad weak in ending it. Angst-filled, but, weak. I felt that the longer verses should have been more condensed to help in the fluidity.
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I like how it continues repeating......
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Brilliant use of reppetition! Each stanza re-captures the reader's attention. Nicely done.
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this is a little different then what i was looking for, but it is well done all the same. thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
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Good job. I enjoyed this because it showed how you seem to think and your attitude well. Good flow and wording, too.
Good luck in my contest! -
great write. LOVE IT! good luck in the contest
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This is soooooooooo good. I love it so much. I love the whole "Dare me" Idea. It is so good and you did such a good job putting it into words. Excellent write. It was amazing
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I don't think this is a dark poem at all. I've seen and written dark poems and this surely isn't one. It's a cute poem, good rhyme scheme. Peace out, kudos and froglegs!
Megs -
although your poem meets the contest-requirements concerning the previously won gold-trophies, I am sorry to remind you that there was another rule asking for NO DARK POEMS PLEASE ...
I am truly sorry about that ...
all the best,
maa -
good write of despaire, yet a release of something bad so there leading to freedom in a sence. Good luck in the contest.
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Not bad
I like your poem. It somehow makes me feel like it's me talking to myself...
I love this; great job on writing it! ^_^
~KORI~ -
thank you for your wonderful entry in this contest! you are truly talented. points and trophies dont need that to prove it!
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OMG OMG Omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omgomg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg
Hollllllyyyyy shitttttttttttttttt
that was soo great expesialy if u donnot usualy e=write like this,,,
great job,, nice flow,, pace,, choice of workds,, expression,,, emstion,, and everything!!
i really like this alot alot alot,, great job,, it had the right amount of everything,,, not to emo,, not to dark it was gereat all aroiund,, very well rounded,, and arrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
thank you so much i really enjoyed this one,, it has been the best one so fare,omg i wanna rape ur poem
!!!!
can i ?
can i?
can i?
can i?
can i?
can i?
pritty prittty please??
lol sorry
but yea any whom gear job,, and thank you so much
good luck in the futire and i look foward to readinh many more..
kaydee
EXPRESS yourdelf!!
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