Each day is a burden to bare as every nerve burns in agony
An accident was the start and each year it gets harder to ignore
There is no way to fix it though the doctor’s have tried
Only cracked my lower lumber and tore the nerves
But how I dearly want to kill the agony tearing at my sanity
So raw it drives me to distraction causing buried anger
The specialists have told me it’s medication or pain management
I rarely smile for real, always hurt and totally fake
I get sick from any bug and a freight train would show more mercy
I can’t make friend’s now, just to lose them to my complaining
I will fight this battle till my last reserve has run out
Once upon a time I was fit healthy and happy
Now I’m a former ghost of a past life where I was somebody
I look in the mirror and see a shadow of what I have become
Muscles in my throat tend to close a lot making life interesting
Eating is like swallowing rocks at times,
Immune system effected by the medication
Gee isn’t life grand in the past I tried to kill myself
In the now Im fighting just to stay alive and not give up
As long as I stay strong I won’t take the easy way out
But the continuous agony is so hard to bare at times
We all have our own problems in life to deal with
As I have mine something I will deal with on my own
Till what ever end takes my torture away
Least now in some ways I know how others feel
Or maybe I just wish I could relate on some personal level
What does it matter I will fight this battle win or lose
A coward or a hero in the end it will come down to my choices
For now I take each day one step at a time
Wondering if maybe just once tomorrow will be different.
By Kindredblood
Author notes
This is my world and my life, in the past I was screwed up, now I am just broken and messed up
Not after Sympathy just wont people to understand
Why I can be cold, sometimes slient, other times withdrawn, and why I wont let anyone into my life anymore. maybe a friend but never anything else, this battle consumes me and maybe always will. and no im not dying just sometime think that would be better than living in my own painful hell.
be your self
Comments
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Wow this is an amazing write so much of just everything, I think you are an amazing person
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Understood
wow you really are laying it all out on the line...I love the way this is written...you can really feel your pain...its sounds kinda pathetic compared to what you must deal with daily but this is exactly how I feel on the inside....a torn bloody mess...and I completely relate to your disconnection to the 'real world'...I love the line 'a frieght train would show me more mercy' ...very clever...you write beautifully with great expression...well done..
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"But how I dearly want to kill the agony tearing at my sanity
So raw it drives me to distraction causing buried anger"- The meaning in these words is so truthful... Such a great way to describe what, honestly, affects only a select few of us. I actually do understand what it's like to have to live at battle with oneself, in constant fear of none other than your own mind. -
this is good
sad and good....I am sorry that u have to go threw this, you did a real good job in this write of making the reader feel your words...at least this reader. -
aye,
pain is rough, i ken, simply because i live wi' it al lthe time. and aye, it can make ye cold and withdrawen. mine, is no by choice, and realy, i want no sympathy. i think that 'tis no the circumstanced, but rather how we react to them. this poem clearly depicts that, our choices are in how we sail... cutting and drugs, booxe.. 'tis a tale i ken well, but of corse, i 'ave found a different path to take. well written, and clear... sometimes, i think that if i could explain like this... there would be so many fewer misunderstandings.
arden
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