Brian
You can tell, you can tell
By the look in my eyes
I believe, I believe
I'll be buried with flies
If you look in my heart
You’ll see nothing but ice
I make Ohio burn
The clouds illuminate
A fire red
The brimstone rain
Awakes the living dead
The screams of children
Ring in my head
I make Ohio burn
Ohio Burning Skies
Watching People Die
I make the clouds cry
When it rains
Ohio Burning skies
Watching people Cry
I watch your angels Die
When it rains
Smoke of pitch
Rises from hollow ground
The empty streets
Amplify silent sound
Restless souls
Emerge from all around
I make Ohio Burn
Visions of fire
Invade my stagnate mind
Ingulfs the spirit
Of all of human kind
Take a look around
I'll be all you find
I make Ohio Burn
Ohio burning skies
Watching people Die
I make the clouds cry
When it rains
Ohio burning skies
Watching people cry
I watch your angels die
When it rains
When it rains
A contest entry
- All Your Poems Are Belong To Me by Samantha Amergirdol.
1000 points, ended September 6, 2007, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Very powerful and intriguing. I love your imagery, especialy this stanza,
Smoke of pitch
Rises from hollow ground
The empty streets
Amplify silent sound
Restless souls
Emerge from all around
I make Ohio Burn
Very nice write. Thanks for entering, and good luck! -
This makes me think of Dylan Meets Springsteen. It is something you can hear in your head as you read through it. That shows talent in the writing department. Not totally sure how it fits the contest but I do enjoy it.
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This song is about abuse of power. The song is as if the narrator has the power of god and uses it for evil purposes rather than good. We think the lyrics to this song go well with your contest, if you dissagree we understand.
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nice. very graphic. good luck!
jaff
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Yeah. I think you improved it a bit. You added more story and depth to it, and now I think it would make a wonderful song. I can't wait to hear you perform it, because I haven't heard you perform it.
I give this song a 8 or 9 out of 10, and that is one high rating. I enjoyed this piece and I definitely think the parts you added were amazing.
Keep up the damn good work, Rld! -
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thanks a lot. I figured that would make more of a story. Oh i was wondering if you would do something for me. Could you look at our website and tell us if you think it looks good, we are kind of partial since it took us a very long time to build it. We need an opinion from the outside
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It seems to me that you could add more story and depth to this song, Rld. I believe that you could easily make this a majorly amazing song, simply by just adding a couple lines, probably a verse, to make it more meaningful, deep and have more story.
Besides that, I think the flow of this as a song even as it is was still very good, but seemed to be missing something... I don't know exactly what, though.
Keep up the songwriting and I hope you find a drummer sometime soon... -
These lyrics are awesome. Very simple and catchy.
I bet it sounds great with music.
"Ohio burning skies"
Where did you come up with that?
It is a great line. -
4 stars.
This poem gets 4 stars just for the beautiful wording of the poem. Still, though, the poem really doesn't say all that awful much, but then again, sometimes simplicity is best. Anyway, great poem. Loved it. Would you kindly return the favor and review one of my poems for me sometime/ Reviewed by ADB5121967.
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Thank you for the comment. I'm glad you think so highly of it. I wrote this song to be a simple little dirty punk sounding song. Surly I will return the favor, I plan on returning the favor to everybody who comments on our songs. Give me a day or two and I'll make sure to read some of your work
-Brian-
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It was after 911 and it was much bigger..like now more New York...perhaps part of Penn too...and all gone to the East of NY...I am talking the State, not just the city...Yes. Unsettling...I had a daughter there but she has since moved to Nashville... sigh...better now.
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yeah that a releaf. New York is dangerous enough without the thought of terrorists targeting you. Its amazing what people see in their dreams
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wow i likeeee i like a lot. it would be a great song!
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Thanks a lot. It actually is a song. I'm glad you liked it
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I belive New York will be...
I have had this same "dream" about New York.
I stumbled a bit in the first few lines, but as is progressed it becomes more comfortable. Are you from Ohio? If so, and you do not already, would you please join the Ohio Poets Society?
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/OHIO+Poets+Society
Michael
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Those kind of dreams make you feel very unsettled when you wake up. Did you have that dream before or after 911
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Wow-that's wonderful..
I live in Ohio, so the title really caught my attention..
but I really do love it.
Ohio burning skies
Watching people Die
Don’t know why the clouds cry
When it rains
Love it***
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Thanks a lot for the comment, we're really glad you liked it. By the way.... Get out while you still can lol
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This was great, made me think of two things one the fire on Lake Erie and Cleveland and how the people there need so much help, but don't always seem to get it. This was really great. I loved it. Wonderfully done. God Bless!
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It's kinda funny, because people ask me why I wrote this and really all I know is that I had a dream that made me start writing. Now that I think about it though it seems to have an undertone of the suffering people in Ohio and how Ohio leads the U.S. in unemployed people and how Cleveland was rated the poorest City in the U.S. In all honesty everything that came from Ohio in the past is gone... Everything from Rubber to Steel Plants. Thank you for the comment
-Brian-
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this was great loved the lines that repeated themselfs this would work as a song nice flow and some great images shown to the reader
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Nice reiteration and a strong piece of work that felt songlike to me even before I read your note. Thanks for giving us this work.
Donald
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Thank you very much for the comment we really appreciate all the support we can get
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I really enjoyed reading this it was real deep. I liked the line "I'll be burried with flies" it was real dark in it's meaning but true in the end
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very interesting poem
This is a very deep poem
does the Ohio burning skies refer to fires that are burning? and taking lives...
or are you in a large city and you speak of crime or rioting?
The brimstone rain that awakes the living dead
very powerful line.
Within your words the message that resounds is pain
I would like to know more about this poem
moon2u
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Hi Moon, thank you for commenting. Our band thought it would be neat to write our lyrics on AP and see what people think, concidering our singer has been on AP for years. This song is basically about an apocolyptic dream I had. I don't really have any reasons or explanations for it. It just sounded deep and catchy. Once again thank you for commenting
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