When evening falls,
in hush of night,
and darkness fills
receding light,
I pull my blankets
up so tight,
and beg my love
to make things right.
And as we fill
the gentle air
with passion born
of two who care,
and, spent, collapse inside our arms
and hold us close
and safe and warm.
And know that hate
will soon give rise
to pain inside
our sturdy minds,
and know that as we love again
that we shall find inside our friend
the courage plain
to see things through,
as I love me,
and you love you,
and together find
true love as well
and share a love
inside the hell.
We shall forever and ever be
alone together and forever free.
A contest entry
- The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1708 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Can we feel another’s love or is it only a reflection of what we ourselves feel toward another? Very poignant with a clarity born of truth.
-
So sweet! I really enjoyed reading it! It's a great write!
-
Very nicely done evocative and insightful. I enjoyed the read. Happy trails
-
This is very nice! A unique twist on love(unless I'm totally missing something)! Either way, it flows well and is a great poem! -Tearyeyed
-
Flawless (almost) Nearly Perfect
This is a Masterpiece. Smooth as silk to read. Quite lovely, indeed.
The only bump in rhythm I felt was in the next to last verse -- the line: "and together find"
If you left out "and" (which would work, as you have a comma at the end of the preceding line in the verse above)you would have the same four beats consistent with the surrounding lines.
This is just a suggestion, and if you don't see it as an improvement, FORGET IT!
-------------
-
I love the way that simple words were used to describe such a deep emotion we call love. I really enjoyed it and hats off to the time spent.
-
a touching subject, well written, a true show of affection... Thank you for sharing, it flows well and the rhyming is good too. xxx
-
Wow, very intense and an insightful snapshot that makes the thinking start to generate. Well done.
-
like the sentiment
well done . .
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
