Sun takes a break
on the edge of a fishing lake
an exit south
from Harrison, Ohio--
runs his fingers
through the cattails,
peers into his reflection.
Speaks to gold-
sparked carp slicing
the surface
of silt mixed water,
chases snakes through
the hang back
of wild touched grass
and rests a bit beside me,
smile playing
on my shoulders, knees
hugged to my chest
before taking off to catch night
in a game of hide and seek,
leaving me
clutched inside these memories.
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Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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she broke my line
Hallmark never had it so good
you know I had to find a fish poem
you seem to give us a deeper view of life in these
always a pleasure
peace and hugs
Muddy -
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lol We know I love my fish.
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Nice
my dear sweet friend Meli this is quite a wonderfully penned poem and I canm see why this was nominated for the front page. I really like this alot it has good structure uniquer depth and flow and quite an interesting little story. nice work and kepe it up
Me
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Oh my... this was well done by all means. One heck of a piece my friend. Great job and best wishes to you. Thank you for sharing. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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I love the imagery of this. Sure see why it was picked!!!!! AWESOME!
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Actually, the last two lines are hallmarky. Eeks. -
lovely
I love the first four lines and the overall structure of the poem. To nitpick: I agree with ea that I'd prefer the poem without the last two lines and I'm not sure about the third stanza. First time through, it read to me as if the sun's knees were hugged to your chest which confused me. Love the title and the way the poem gradually focusses in on you sitting by a lake. -
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i have to disagree with that. i like the 3rd and 4th stanza a lot.
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Golden
This is grounded and balanced, yet remains ethereal enough to please the reader who seeks more.
The tactile phrases (runs his fingers
through the cattails; peers into his reflection) connect the reader and subtly introduce the fey text that follows.
The imagery is rich and the use of incomplete sentences is well-planned. Sometimes grammar can be such an interfering old woman!
The alliteration is mature, yet the construction of the stanzas is playful and teases the reader to re-examine the text.
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You are a very deep writer and a very good one also.
The poem is not perfectly clear, but I like to make up my own conclusions sometimes. Well done
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Ok. I have mixed hat bag of feelings on this one.
What I think that I really love about it is, the way that you end of the image of you sitting there with your knees up and watching the nature around you.
There is a sweet serenity to that image that I really like and I have a feeling will stay with me for awhile.
On the other hand, you were slipping back and forth between old habits of where your phrases sound like a lot of your other poems. Where you write with words or actions that replicate what I've read from you numerous times before.
Not bad, but predictable and not nearly as exploratory as some of the more developed pieces of yours.
I don't know. I'm torn on this. I guess, just give it a good revising Meli broom sweep and it should be all fixed?
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Never fear... I have mixed feelings about this. It's just... simple. Unless I can come up with something interesting to insert into this... it'll go no farther than this page.
Some things I write I like... some things just exist.
It's good to hear your words again.
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Interesting
Okay I'll bite at your worm dangling off your line so ya hook me in and say ya caught an extremely big weird looking fishy Lmao... where's the 1st poem of this series since it is #2
any ways this is a very interesting complexing yet intriguing poem and I find myself enjoying it any ways I really like the way this poem flowed and your wording through out. nice work and keep up the good work. Me
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speaking in quietude, through those silent clutched heart murmurs...
gosh yes, i know this subtle loss of love... a moment comes and as sweet as it is, tis gone just as quickly
beautimous and heartfelt
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This reminded me of a trip to Canada...love the reflection of this piece...and I'm glad you are continuing this series
wonderful
peace and hugs
Muddy
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Thank you.
Actually, what you are reading are selections in my poetry manuscript (currently being worked on). Titled, of course, speaking to fish. Not everything in the series is making it into the manuscript, but some (like this one) I'm "trying on for size" (so to say)...
It'll probably never get very far... but I have time on my hands.
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