The cards of life
were shuffled
organized carefully
stacked
balanced
precise
...perfect.
A gust of life
riffled through
unbalancing the cards
changing the alignment
changing the pattern
tossing me
....into chaos.
Adrift
feeling lost and confused
in the sea of life
floating aimlessly
...without direction
with no balance
...alone and bewildered.
Feeling like the cards
are scattered
everywhere
to the four winds
...and beyond
And I drift
wondering what to do
Continuity is blown
order can’t be restored
too many changes
nothing organized
....anymore
I’m just lost
- out of control.
Author notes
Option #4
......
Just a point in my life that the 'cards' seem to be flying everywhere - out of control, out of my control.
A contest entry
- inspiration: waves & hurricane twins & a house of cards by DancingRed.
300 points, ended August 25, 2007, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Words I just can't say... by aligurl.
550 points, ended January 27, 2008, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Oh I know the feeling and you described it perfectly. thank you for expressing that for me. Thank you for entering and good luck in my contest.
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i really like this poem
i really like this poem i think it has the same messages that my poem have but your was so much better said. one thing that i also really liked was was the flow yet it had no rhymming whitch is cool and hard to accomplish i hope to seem more of your writing good job and thank you for taking the time to post this poem for other to read it was worth my time
peace be with you always
if you would like feel free to read some of mine and tell me what i could do diff. or better -
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Thank you so much 'rainbow love' for your very nice comment. I am pleased that you liked this.
I will be over to read your writes.
blessings/peace
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too many changes
nothing organized
....anymore
I’m just lost
- out of control.
i know the feeling. Your poem speaks the truth about things that go on in life. I loved all the imagery in it. Congrats on the trophy!
~Dommi -
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Thank you so much 'dommi' for reading and the nice comment. I am pleased you liked this.
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you did an excellent job with this piece. Life is chaos and the imagery was excellent. Nice job
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Thank you so much 'samantha68' for the lovely comment and the applause. I am pleased that you liked this.
Yeah, life sure is 'chaos'!
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The flow of this was good and the meaning was there. Sometimes things are out of our control but our own destiny lies always in our control. At times it may seem as if all hell has broken lose and no matter what, we are lost- doomed- aimless in life. Never give up though...remember as long as one foot is placed in from of the other, we are moving and eventually momentum takes over and we are floating on a breeze instead of blowing in a breeze.
These three words are amazing!
"Continuity is blown"
Becky
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Thank you 'zochit2me' for reading, the nice comment and the applause. I am glad you enjoyed this.
Yeah, when the 'cards' of life fly out of control, continuity is blown - all over!..lol. Can't give up (especially me, after having made it this far!) - have to just learn and keep moving forward, as you say.
Thanks again.
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I enjoyed the read
poem had a great flow to it
can very well be a winner
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Thank you 'fanniesson' for reading, the nice comment and the applause. I am glad you liked this.
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Great job no wonder why you won the bronze.You feel the way all of us do at times.I've been there so much it is'nt funny.Gret job of getting our feelings out.You spoke well and your words were well chosen.i admire you for writing it down on paper and expressing how you feel.
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Thank you 'michaeline' for the kind comment. I sometimes write down my thoughts as they come, post them in a poem, then a day or two later, come here and delete it...lol...
Yeah, this one describes my life a lot, too, and many others also, I'm afraid.
I am glad that you liked this. Thanks again.
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Continuity is blown...so much hidden in three words..and the very spine of this poem
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Thank you 'absinthia' for the nice comment and applause. I am glad you enjoyed it.
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I like the way you have written the lines, short and to the point. I also like how you used cards to depict life, your life and how something (the wind in this case) has scattered them everywhere and that you are unable to pick them all up and put them back in order; in the deck.
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Thank you 'redmarkonthewall' for reading, the nice comment and the applause. I guess I feel that everyone is dealt a 'deck of cards' in life - some good, some bad, some combinations - lousy!..lol.
And sometimes we all have those times it feels like we are playing '52-card pick-up'..ha, ha.
thanks again.
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Feeling like the cards
are scattered
everywhere
to the four winds
...and beyond
And I drift
wondering what to do
This has such emotion. I can see why you won a trophy! -
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Thank you 'Dommi' for reading and the nice comment. I am glad you liked this.
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Your poem has a great chance of winning.It is truely a great write.I think that everybody goes through these same feelings.I know that so many times I have felt the exact same way.Sometimes it just seems like everything is all out of whack.You portrayed your emotions so well.Thanks.
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Thank you 'michaeline' for reading, the nice comment and the applause. I am pleased you liked this. My 'cards' just seem to go wild at times and, as you stated...all out of whack. Of course, then again, I never was a card player..lol.
thanks again.
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Loved this part!!
gust of life
riffled through
unbalancing the cards
changing the alignment
changing the pattern
tossing me
....into chaos.
Adrift
feeling lost and confused
in the sea of life
floating aimlessly
...without direction
with no balance
...alone and bewildered.
Amazing!!
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Thank you so much 'Lola Green' for reading, the nice comment and the applause.
I am pleased that you liked this.
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I think that you did a great job in writing this poem, I really do see why you won bronze in the contest. I think that you really worked hard on this... I can tell.
~Alix -
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Thank you 'gothic juggalette' for reading and for the nice comment. I am pleased you liked this. And I sure wish I could take credit for 'working hard' on this, but the truth is my 'cards' were flying so fast and out of control that these words just wrote themselves - very quickly. But I am honored that you felt I worked hard on it....thank you.
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I hope you get your life back in control! It can be very overwhelming and you just feel..lost in the world. Good luck in the contest, I loved the poem!
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Chemic Angel: Thank you for reading and the nice comment. I am glad you loved the poem. My life is still spinning and you're right, I do feel very 'lost' at times. Oh well, that is life...lol.
Thanks again.
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Well done on this one. Short but sweet. You really said a lot in such a few lines. I loved how fast this poem read. It just pushes you to read it faster and faster. I can see why this one a bronze trophy.
Good job.
Keep up the good writing. -
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Thank you 'sinnastarr' for reading and the nice comment. I am glad you enjoyed this.
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I really like this to wow
. It feels like it is written for me .
gust of life
riffled through
unbalancing the cards
changing the alignment
changing the pattern
tossing me
....into chaos.
Adrift
feeling lost and confused
in the sea of life
floating aimlessly
...without direction
with no balance
...alone and bewildered.
Congrats on Bronze it was well earned.
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Thanks again for everything. I'm glad you like this. It was just one of those many days that I felt my 'cards of life' were flying wild..lol..so I wrote this.
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Excellent write!!
Write on! Great analogy...life does shuffle wild sometimes.
*PEACE* -
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Thank you. I need to get in here and edit using the suggestions I got.
I wrote this because it seems like all my life cards are flying everywhere right now...out of control
Glad you liked it.
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Your poem is quite straight forward -- no peculiar words or anything, but you've used such a beautiful, powerful metaphor that simply blows me away.
Perhaps in some places 'the' wasn't needed -- detracts from the poetry itself in my opinion.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed. -
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Thank you so much for the Bronze. I am glad you liked this. I am re-reading and I think you are right...I should edit and take out some of the 'the' words..lol. Thanks for the suggestion and for the Bronze.
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Very nice analogy.
Another good write. Will add you to my favorites, as I like how your mind works..
*PEACE*
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YOU ARE MY HERO
Here's the joke. No one ever told you that you were never IN control; that was just an illusion to make you feel safe.
THE DOCTOR IS IN, you lucky girl!
You wrote:
The cards of life
were shuffled
organized carefully
stacked
balanced
precise
...perfect. Right here...This is the word that gives it away.(You molded everything just so and probably got rid of anything (or anyone?) who didn't fit the picture)
A gust of life (LOVE THIS!)
riffled through
unbalancing the cards
changing the alignment
changing the pattern
tossing me
....into chaos. (Now notice how the subtle shifts, changes, plunged you into chaos)
Continuity is blown
order can’t be restored
too many changes
nothing organized
....anymore
I’m just lost
- out of control. (This too shall pass. If you were comfortable, you couldn't change. You have to get pushed to your limit - and you don't know where that is yet; but you will and it IS all going to be all right. This is the hard part, but you'll come out on the other side a better person and a newer person. When we get too comfortable, we get OLDER. You are going to be nice and new. Trust the doctor!)
This is so good, and tells so much about YOU! Very interesting reading! You're going to win this contest. PP
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I think that we all feel so out of control a lot of the time. Great write. Good luck with the contest
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Wonderful Imagery
I really like this idea of the cards being blown into chaos- works really well. Nice work!
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Loved the feel of this. The cards blown and scattered...mine to dear Lady, mine too!
Love~
Az
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