Kisses in moonlight and passion with a twist
Create me a concoction that I cannot resist
In this ballroom of ripped up skirts and jeans
My life long pain is ripped right at the seams
Answers to prayers and reasons to bleed
Taking too much of your love that I need
Soon I fear that on you I may overdose
So if I do take my hand and keep me close
Don’t let our god-forsaken love just waste
It may look poisonous but has such a taste
That has hooked me on for so very long
No one can make me believe its wrong
There’s few who know the joy of what we do
The soul destroying pleasures of me and you
Nothing to hide in the darkness we keep
Watching insanity starting to seep
Dance my darling and feel the pain
Of death as it tries to take you again
All this beauty distorted in the light
Why we souls our souls to the night
The girl without hope and boy deceive
The boy without life nothing to believe
Don’t let our god-forsaken love just waste
It may look poisonous but has such a taste
That has hooked me on for so very long
No one can make me believe its wrong
There’s few who know the joy of what we do
The soul destroying pleasures of me and you
Dreams of stars burning up the sky
Living every day like you’re going to die
I’m done with late bringers of hope
Breaking every want just cutting the rope
Don’t let our god-forsaken love just waste
It may look poisonous but has such a taste
That has hooked me on for so very long
No one can make me believe its wrong
There’s few who know the joy of what we do
The soul destroying pleasures of me and you
A contest entry
- Self Disection by slayenemy909.
650 points, ended September 30, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Perfection by adsaige.
600 points, ended October 12, 2007, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - By Demons Be Driven by Acidanthra.
525 points, ended November 20, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Temptations of the Soul by Allura.
500 points, ended December 5, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Dark and Twisted Desires by Darkend.
450 points, ended December 10, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What's Your Addiction by Haunted Doll.
825 points, ended January 30, 2008, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - JUST TWO DAYS TO REACH 1000 ENTRIES !!!! ( BE A PART OF THIS RECORD BREAKING CONTEST ) by Alex Hex.
300 points, ended May 1, 2008, 526 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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enjoyed this so much. very visual.
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Love this. Totaly dark with a different sense to it thabn I expected.
Kaitlyn
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Perfectly crafted and unique. I love the lyrical almost song-like quality. I especially enjoyed the repeating stanza. Well done and best of luck.
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Additive emotion, both on the mind and body.
Perfect timing, excelent rhyms.
Well weaved words.
Good.
Good luck
Allura -
This write had a wonderful flow and was very enjoyable to read. Unfortunately love is a profoundly intoxicating drug naturally given as either an angel or demon.
I did feel that the rhyming scheme was a little elementary, but that annoyance disappeared as I continued to read the important message being lent.
Love will always be a demon to fight, and you made that perfectly clear to me personally. -
My first impression on this poem was that it would be a sappy love poem with a slightly morbid or what you perceived to be dark, twist. I was wrong. I love the way you used 'love' as a drug. The whole of this poem, was Morbidly Pretty. This piece fits my contest to the bone. Though I do have to admit, the title doesn't really draw people in, as Affair-I Bleed- mentioned. But the whole o the poem was intoxicatingly put. I wanted more, and it drew me in, write up unto the very end. I suppose there are very minor things you could fix, but they are very minor, and I don't think I want to ruin the moment by pointing out hardly noticable flaws. Beautiful write, fix up tiny wordings and your good, this is excellant, almost exactly what I was looking for. My favorite stanza were:
Kisses in moonlight and passion with a twist
Create me a concoction that I cannot resist
In this ballroom of ripped up skirts and jeans
My life long pain is ripped right at the seams'
It was just so twisted and powerful. It drew me in, angering me, yet making me want more. This poem was rebellious, yet judging.
And my other favorite was the very last stanza.
Don’t let our god-forsaken love just waste
It may look poisonous but has such a taste
That has hooked me on for so very long
No one can make me believe its wrong
There’s few who know the joy of what we do
The soul destroying pleasures of me and you
Majesticly and morbidly done, darkness with a twist. Reminds me of a shady gray. Loved the wording, and the imaginary. Beautiful, wonderful, and darkly twisted job. I love it.
-Gloria- -
Judged
This is for the most part and interesting poem, the title however failed to draw me in at first glance. I admit it. Sometimes you're like I can't think of a title...
The content wasn't disappointing, which I thank you for. I'm analyzing the poem, dissecting it piece by piece, let's start with the stanzas I felt was most intriguing and/or powerful:
ne: Kisses in moonlight and passion with a twist
Create me a concoction that I cannot resist
In this ballroom of ripped up skirts and jeans
My life long pain is ripped right at the seams
* I loved this stanza, I must admit that it's my favorite, the way that it drew me in and made me want to read the rest.
;Two: Don’t let our god-forsaken love just waste
It may look poisonous but has such a taste
That has hooked me on for so very long
No one can make me believe its wrong
There’s few who know the joy of what we do
The soul destroying pleasures of me and you
* This chourus {since this is marked lyric if I'm not mistaken) is...something I could get use to singing...without it being said aloud as I've done at least twice now, it does not impact in your mind completely...all I get is imagery, don't get me wrong, but they're more like hazy scenes than cyrstal-sharp images...both work, but for this poem to be truly, bam, the hazy works only a few times with this.
Thank you for your entry to this cntest, good luck. Welcome to the FINALIST LIST.
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hmmm...
It seems you didn't read my description of what I wanted well enough. This is a nice poem, but it is not what I was looking for. -
wow thats really good. i like it a lot.
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