the taste of you is very chokecherry
and i want all of them to know
just how cold your insides are
frozen,like the deepest snow
i know your mind is lemon lime
i know your mind is bitter
no one knows what you really think
when make your eyes a-glitter
i just got so angry
after your heart went stale
now you're extremelly vitriolic
and i'm ready to exhale
after all the ashes sink
you're not willing to pretend
you're not as sweet as they say you are
you and truth just don't bend.
Author notes
kiwi lemon lime.
bleh.
Like?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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My Sentiments Exactly
Thank YOU for shareing-I have been trying to rid myself of a sour taste myself, and my own writes have failed to express what you have so eloquently said here-Great Job-very creative and great flow-thanks again
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Thank you,as well! eloquently? Thank you! That's such a compliment,considering i wasn't sure if this needed work or help....
thanx
♥♥
♥♥
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second stanza i would add an "A" as in:_
when make your eyes glitter
When make your eyes a glitter.
it would help with the ryhmn.
Hope you got over the twat that did this to you.
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That's a really good suggestion! thank you,i never would've thought of that.
You're right,it does help with the rhythm very well
Fortuantely, I got over it
and i'm all better now
Like....
a fish with water?
Thank you again ♥♥♥♥♥
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Well Said!
Very powerful piece, and I think you win the award for greatest title!
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OH and i forgot GREAT!!!!! title
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this is positivly amazing! its so deep and expressive!!! and i am so sorry some pne made you feel this way, i have had quite a few guys make me feel similar to the way i imagine you felf while writing this. You are very talented in expresing your feelings which is great! see with me i have issues getting my feelings down on paper, but you did so major props lol
good luck and keep writing
-Ali -
great dude
Watch out for manipulative fucks like me good job -
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You'd be prince charming next to this guy....
trust me.
If you want to see manipulative,you could look at him.
Agh.
Sorry about your breakup,though.I know how it feels,and i wrote this when i was there and i still am but i'm sorry if it's not that good.i was aggrivated when i wrote it so.....yeah.
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I like this a lot. The rhyming seemed to work perfectly, and it helps the overall meaning and presentation of the poem. It's raw and pure, and it gives you that sense of relating to the the poet's emotions. =)
I like!
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oooo... I love the comparison to taste. That's something the reader can really imagine. Very creative and different.
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I love it. I've never heard that analogy before but it's awesome. I enjoyed the rhyming and there was a lot of personality put into this, nicely done. I like the word choice too. 
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Interesting.
I'm pretty sure most, if not all, have felt this way.
Great way to capture pretty much every piece of a single emotion you had into this poem.
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The title is what really grabbed my attention...
It's a great Title.
I think we've all felt like before.
And the first line really pulls you in as well...
All in all it's a good start to what could be a very good poem.*** -
That title is an immediate eye catcher; I don't think I've ever liked a title as much as I do now.
"the taste of you is very chokecherry"
Such a great line to follow the title too.
Nice poem you've written here.
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