Caged by white bars,
I look out of my prism,
Anxiously waiting
For my rainbow escape.
Author notes
Yes I have a bit of an artist's block that has lasted a little over a year... but I'm hoping that will end shortly when I take a class to force me to get into it again. And in case you were wondering... one is supposed to stop at the word "prism", for at first it almost looks like prison which would (at that point) fit better.
~Shahrazad
A contest entry
- Wanting Something You Cannot Have (or Never Had) by Chelsea Void.
600 points, ended September 2, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! by Nam.
425 points, ended October 23, 2007, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short Poems by Pollycheck.
450 points, ended May 26, 2008, 179 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire Me by csflut.
850 points, ended May 31, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Thank you for entering my short poems contest. you have penned a masterpiece with this poem. I love the way you time the prism and the rainbow together. This is pure genius.
-
-
So glad you enjoyed artist's block
I'd like your opinion actually... do you like the last line as it is or would "anxiously waiting for my rainbow escape" better? -
-
I really like your proposed change. You have a contrast created there with the caged and the escape. I like that contrast even better than the original.
-
-
-
"I look out of my prism,
Anxiously searching"
This part reads as an enjambment to me. I read:
"I look out of my prism anxiously searching"
Which is one sentence, the first line continued to the second, and then the third. So, I feel the comma after "prism" is not needed.
I also felt, since it's such a short poem, and it's mainly in enjambments that perhaps the first letter of the beginning of line didn't have to be capitalized, that perhaps it'd read better if all of it was lowercased. Just an opinion.
A nice short poem that you have written here.
-
Outstanding and I can totally relate. This was a very good poem and very beautiful. I like the approach you took here.
-
I noticed the prism - prison thing.Very cool. It made me think of one of those glass figures that when shined upon by light, all the colors of the rainbow reflect out. this made me think of a little being having been trapped inside a little glass figure and sort of being the keeper of the rainbow gleams that shine and reflect out.
I like it. very abstract, very intriguing. -
"prison" or "prism", they both would have worked well for me with this poem. I must say that I have yet to experience "writer's block". I cannot imagine the chaos it would cause in my life. I have written poetry, prose and short stories for three-fourths of my life. I would be disheveled, totally lost without my words. Your poem is beautiful but somber. I love the last line. A fluent poem that I would hate to bear witness to. Excellent!
A wonderful take on the prompt here Poet. You followed all the rules to the letter. Thank you for this entry in my contest. I wish you the best in all your endeavors.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
-
-
Thank you for your lovely and encouraging comment... and yes, writers and all types of artists blocks are no fun at all. Art was in one of the few ways that I was able to stand out and express myself as well as be noticed, and with it temporarily gone I feel just as you described: disheveled and totally lost.
I'm so glad that you enjoyed the poem because I was really happy with this one.
-
-
I really like it. Short and to the point and not to mention good wording.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
