Your autumn-leaf brown hair always smelled
Like just after it rains
I know that you'll return,
But dear you left me in such pain
I can't express
Without words that would depress
You
But I seek only to impress
You
But I really must confess
You
Are a burden on my chest
And If I seem so short of breath
Then it's just because I love
You
So much
Hate being without you
So much
Can't breath without you
So much for independence
I'm like a train-wreck baby
And no one in attendance
Would dare to look away
Our last kiss still hangs upon my lips
Caresses linger at my fingertips
And I'll never go astray
Because your deep-blue-something eyes
Will hold me motionless, forever and a day
Endlessly you said
And you kissed me
Endlessly I said
And here I stay
Author notes
by Outryder
My love is away with the military, and I miss her alot.
A contest entry
- [Times Square can't shine as bright as you] by whiterabbit..
375 points, ended September 1, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the crumpled note in my hand says- I ♥ You. by forbidden-colour.
300 points, ended August 26, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me REAL by Logans-Mommy.
500 points, ended August 27, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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♥ I really like how the begining starts.
After every point, you thought of her.
Awh,
Cutteee.
thank you for the entry!
♥ -
Oh my.
This is just beautiful.
♥
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This is so beautiful and sad at the same time. It's a horrible feeling to have to miss somebody. Your descriptions and imagery are really wonderful. This is a great write. Thanks for entering.
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Wow, this is truly beautiful. It's definately my favourite poem of yours so far. I love the lines "Your autumn-leaf brown hair always smelled
Like just after it rains" and "
And I'll never go astray
Because your deep-blue-something eyes
Will hold me motionless, forever and a day"
You are a great poet. -
And I said what about.. Breakfast at Tiffany's!
Sorry... Deep Blue Something...
I loved your descriptions in this! And the Autumn leaf brown hair that smells like rain.. ::cries:: I miss her toooooooo!
I liked the way this flowed... at first I thought it looked really random, but it caught me up as I began to go through it!
I loved the ending! I notice that some people have trouble ending their poems. They either create awkward endings that leave you like, "Wait.. what just happened?" or they seem to end it in the middle of a thought... yours was great! thanks for sharing! Oh and good luck!
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