I sit here in my dark room.
In the corner on my bed.
Curled up in a little ball.
With tears running down my face.
I can't breathe.
I gasp for air.
I can't stop sobbing.
He hurt me bad...
My hand reaches out to my right.
And into the little cubbyhole.
I grab the blade.
With my shaky hand I pull it across my skin.
Once, twice... maybe a million times.
I'm not sure.
This whole thing was a blur.
I hear my heart beat.
Thump thumping in my ears.
Everything gets so loud.
And then stops.
I can't hear the clock ticking.
Has time stopped?
I look down.
At my bloody mess.
I watch as it slowly comes out.
As if afraid of the world.
Slowly moving its way down.
Moving with my skin.
I flex my arm...
Now a river of blood.
So beautiful, yet flooding.
Rapidly flowing down my arm.
Too much...
Frantically I search for something,
Something to cease the bleeding.
I wanted to feel, not die.
At last I find tissues and a bandage.
It has stopped.
I feel faint.
The world is spinning.
It's full of pain.
I lay down on the bed.
Thinking to myself,
"Rather the pain from the blade.
Than pain in my heart."
Author notes
Obviously I'm going through something... And that was one bad night... lmao... but its ok... I'm all good...
"THORN N PEBBLES ROCK"
"When you find yourself in a hole, STOP DIGGING!!!"
A contest entry
- [*Broken{♥}&&BleedingArms*] by Logans-Mommy.
600 points, ended September 6, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Mental Afflictions by SummerlandRayne.
466 points, ended September 1, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing Boring by cali951.
500 points, ended December 3, 2007, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow, Powerful write, me likey!
I feel this way so much, it isn't even funny.
"I flex my arm...
Now a river of blood.
So beautiful, yet flooding."
Best part of the piece, bloody brilliant!
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I soo get you
I feel the same way...it sounds kinda like my poems i write...u should check them out sometime....neways...keep on writing
i give you 5 points
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This was a very deeply emotional time you shared in this write! Thanks for the entry and best of luck in the contest!
Love~
Az
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dear god this was amazing, i loved this. my favorite part :"I look down.
At my bloody mess.
I watch as it slowly comes out.
As if afraid of the world."
i used to be a cutter, i know exactly how you feel.
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Love it
The feeling in her is so true. It is a wonderful peice. I am speechless. Great work keep it up!
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I can understand the feeling of not being able to breathe, and feeling like you are gasping for air...it's called anxiety...or a panic attack...or both, if you're lucky like me...and yeah, the river of blood can be "beautiful", in a way, I always did love the sight of my own blood just flowing. I think sometimes, that's why I would cut. I started cutting when I was 15yrs old. I stopped cutting when I was 28yrs old, the last time I had cut myself was April 09, 2005. That is, until July 11th, 2007. I had a breakdown. I sat with a razorblade in my hand from around 2am until 4:55am, and then I did it. Slice, Slice, Slice. Three, three-inch cuts down my right leg. I immediately went outside to smoke a cigarette. I guess I didn't realize just how deep I had cut, 'cuz when I got up to go into the house, there was a pool of blood on the deck. I called my husband at work, and he came home early. He works overnights, 10pm-7am, and he came home at 5:20am. So, yeah. It was a bad night. I still feel guilty about cutting that night, as I had done so good, it had been so long since I had done it. But, we all have set backs, and we all make mistakes. I hope you can look within yourself and find the strength to one day stop cutting, find a different outlet for your pain. This truly is an amazing poem, very descriptive, and I hope you find healing or at least release in writing. My best wishes to you.-Monica
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This is so truthful, the feelings you describe are so close to what I know many people like us feel. You talk about the beauty in the blood flow... It's a beauty very few of us see. Very powerful write.
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wow, very powerful and so sad. its how i feel, so i obviosly love this poem as i can relate. it was very easy to read, which was nice and i didnt lose interst which i usually do lol. i hope things get better for you, and if u eva need sum1 to tlk to n dnt mind it being a total stranger thn ill always listen! take care x
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Okay, I went very in depth. If you need more help, revision, or have any questions, let me know. It's your poem. Not all of my comments are fact. Some are just suggestions. Keep it if you don't like what I have
Mech
I sit here in my dark room.
In the corner on my bed. (<-- not a sentence, remove the period on the line before it)
Curled up in a little ball. (you said sitting, but now you have curled... one or the other)(<-- not a sentence, remove the period on the line before it)
With tears running down my face. (<-- not a sentence, remove the period on the line before it)
I can't breathe.
I gasp for air.
I can't stop sobbing.
He hurt me bad, and told me to change my looks.
From the little boy that I consider a brother.
My hand reaches out to my right. (<-- not a sentence, remove the period on the line before it)
And into the little cubbyhole. (never start with and)
I grab the blade. (put this line and the next together and add a comma before I in the next one)
With my shaky hand I pull it across my skin.
Once, twice... maybe a million times.
I'm not sure.
This whole thing was a blur. (just wanted to say I love this part
I hear my heart beat.
Thump thumping in my ears. (add in a hyphen thump-thumping)
Everything gets so loud. (no period here try using a dash -- and remove "and" from beginning of next sentence)
And then stops.
I can't hear the clock ticking.
Has time stopped?
I look down. (no period here, connect this and the next)
At my bloody mess.
I watch as it slowly comes out. (use a semicolon ; or a dash -- not a period)
As if afraid of the world.
Slowly moving its way down.
Moving with my skin.
I flex my arm...
Now a river of blood.
So beautiful, yet flooding. (; or --)
Rapidly flowing down my arm.
Too much...
Frantically I search for something,
Something to cease the bleeding.
I wanted to feel, not die.
At last I find tissues and a bandage.
It has stopped.
I feel faint.
The world is spinning.
Its full of pain. (It IS full... so It's you need a ')
I lay down on the bed.
Thinking to myself. (remove period insert comma , and quote the last two lines, it will make it stronger)
Rather the pain from the blade.
Than pain in my heart.
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There are minor technical errors here that need fixed. I won't list 'em all unless asked. I don't like to get too nit picky.
Who is he? You say he. We wonder. And it focuses back on you. That's fine, but we feel nothing if we don't know what he did much less who he is.
The lines are too choppy, add some detail. Otherwise
nice job
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