Memory bubbles
slip through mind’s ring
where they languish
before misty eyes.
Floating,
from one moment to another
sometimes happy,
often blessed.
But always,
you are bound inside.
There is grief in seeing
but never able to caress
with my fingers.
Bubbles burst
too easily and
I don’t want to lose
what few I have left.
Gentle palms
tentatively stretched...
You land there as
I hold my breath.
Inhale.
Then blow you away
again.
Author notes
by: trista
For those who know, this one is for Jordan.
Photo by LittleMissCheerleader2007 at Photobucket.com
A contest entry
- The Random Rounds - Round 6 by Frodofan.
486 points, ended August 26, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Lionsloves Lair
3 claps = 9 points
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Handle with Care by trista
Title - 7
Style - 6
Form - 6
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 7
Originality - 7
Reaction - 8
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 8
Enjoyable - 8
Total - 77
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This is delicate and beautiful, I felt I was holding my breath while I read. Lovely.
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Handle with Care by trista
Title - 7
Style - 7
Form - 7
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 8
Originality - 8
Reaction - 8
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 8
Enjoyable - 8
total: 81 -
Title - 6
Style - 4
Form - 4
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 6
Originality - 8
Reaction - 7
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 9
Enjoyable - 7
total: 71 -
This is beautiful!!!! Sooooo romantic and gentle! I love it! I think if I had to pick a favorite part of this one, I would end up copy and pasting the entire write here. LOL
Best of luck in this contest!!!!
-
Inhale.
Then blow you away
again.
That ending totally blew me away. I love the imagery you used - blowing bubbles and making it seem as if you were talking about something else. Very very creative.
There is grief in seeing
but never able to caress
I don't know up till what extent you wanted to impact someone with that .. but it hit me hard. For it's truth and all the memories and restrictions that it beings with it.
All in all, an excellent write.
NeveR ♥
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brings* (not being)
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Hi Trista.
This is a lovingly tender write. What a perfect metephor for such a tender life. I love the ending, I found myself holding my breath, holding in the moment, then letting go. This shows your strength, beautiful soul and gift.
This is my favorite from you so far.
much love,
Michelle
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"Inhale.
Then blow you away
again."
Nice ending. I love all the bubbles. Well done, whimsical piece...with sadness...
-Creatress -
well done trista,
this one here is pulling these heart strings tight.
I can so relate here. Ppowerful piece, well penned, perfect all the way around.
Im speechless.
Tory
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A Lesson with Bubbles
How fragile those few tiny bubbles!How sad to see the last one disintegrate! Blow gently, and do all to see them remain. You do not want to see leave what you have left...So with life, love.Life is fragile...Such a good parallel and nicely written!
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This poem is so delicate. Near the end I wanted to read the words so carefully, as if if I were to read them in any way harsh it would burst the poem itself, like the bubble. ^_^
The fact that the reader can really make the bubble stand for anything they want, makes the poem very interesting to read, especially the second time.
"There is grief in seeing
but never able to caress
with my fingers.
Bubbles burst
too easily and
I don’t want to lose
what few I have left."
This where the poem shined for me, it really struck a chord in my heart.
Great work.
-
trista
What a wonderful poem. You have caught wonderous moments:
"...never to be able to caress with my fingers"
"...to lose what I have left"
"gentle palms tentatively streched"
I am not an expert - much learning to do, but I would suggest:
"Gentle palms
tentatively stretched...
They land there as
I hold my breath".
At first I thought that I would suggest a comma after "Inhale", but then that is how we want the bubble / dream / memory to be - to linger as far as possible [this especially if it is a 'good' one - so full stop earned its place!
I can appreciate "Then blow you away
again". - for this to me is the only way we sometimes can enjoy the bubble a little longer....it has its own time and own yourney. Also: blowing it sway enables us to take control - even sometimes - the 'bad' memory.
It also seems as if in Endeavor you have an excellent mentor.
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Excellent x2
Gentle palms
tentatively stretched...
You land there as
I hold my breath.
Inhale.
Then blow you away
again.
Near tears I read your words
A gentle voice you have made for this memory
Wonderfull writing, for this lost Child
Rick
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Hi Rick,
Thank you for the Excellent X2.
I wasn't sure the name was one that you would remember very easily since I seldom talk about him. Glad I could finally write something that you actually like. 
Much love,
~J.
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Are you trying to make me cry, on a cryless day?
This is beyond beautiful, my friend.
Every word is precious, even more than that.
You touch my heart in more ways than you know.
You have a magical way of leaving your mark on everyone you touch in one way or another.
Magnificent piece of art.
Jordan would be proud, bless your heart.
Loveandblessings2u & yours always
Love You, My Friend
Joyce
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Hi Joyce,
Oops...sorry if I made you cry.
I had a rough day myself, too many memories and they seem to sneak up on me sometimes without my knowing where they come from. Thank you for commenting, and for saying Jordan would be proud...
Love ands
~J.
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