Profound are my sighs as I weep for you.
Eternal emotions of abandon sadness.
Coldness lays upon my heart since your death.
Abandoning my last bit of warmth, emptying my soul.
Like the darkness of night my pain has passed.
To the state of numbness, only memories of you remain.
Sphere within my mind like an empty shell revolving.
As my thoughts remain in limbo in the abyss.
Endless tears have stopped their flow like empty springs in winter.
Frozen cold within an icy death, of your departure.
What more punishments do I deserve while on this earth.
More punishment then your demise is inconceivable.
The blood in my veins has stopped flowing.
As I take the last breaths, exhaling my life.
And inhaling your death as my own.
Stillness enters my soul rejecting liberation with you.
Consecrating you to the heavens, banishing me with my solitude.
In the pits of hell while dying twice within your death.
Profound are my sighs as I weep for you.
Eternal emotions of abandon sadness.
A contest entry
- ANYTHING, Just make it good. -->4,000 points by InfiniteCaitlin.
4500 points, ended September 2, 2007, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I just lost my favorite brother...Thanks for giving this stone in my soul some light. Powerful and Beautiful...
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Fucking amazing. Sorry if my language offends you. I wanted it to sound strong so i used a strong word. This reminded me of my friend who killed herself. It was so true and so sad all at once.... It just said so much with so few words. i love the effect of the couplets. It was a truly beautiful write. best of luck my dark spirited friend.
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VERY GOOD
neat portrayal of "spiral of archimedes" in picture
lots of good imagery
this work is a great rep of grief
not just a crocodile tear
but
deep, heartfelt mourning of another, a loved one, etc
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What more punishments do I deserve while on this earth.
More punishment then your demise is inconceivable.
The blood in my veins has stopped flowing.
As I take the last breaths, exhaling my life.
And inhaling your death as my own.
Stillness enters my soul rejecting liberation with you.
OH MY GOD! This made me cry! There are tears on my face! God you write beautifully!
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This was a good read. Very well written. Go job on winning an honourable trophy. Keep up the good writing.
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"Like the darkness of night my pain has passed.
To the state of numbness" i didnt predict the second line at all...was like, amazed...wouldnt have thought of that. how u express yourself is undescribebly incredible.makes me cry to think of how many friends i could have lost so many times. i think that this is how i would feel as well..already do during a heartbreak.
deep n luvly! -
wow this is so sad! so many strong emotions.
i can really feel the pain that someone may go through after loosing a parter (or a close friend)
i liked all the imigary, it really created a picture. It was very discriptive and caught my eye, starting with the title, it fits this well. The begining was capturing. Throughout the poem it shows the pain that someone may go through. At the end it finishes nicely, re emphasising the feelings.
i have to congratulate on such a beautiful, and artistic poem. Great imigary and emotions.
well done and good luck in the contest x -
A quiet perfection!
Your writing, to say that it is average, would be shortchanging its' nobility, and levity, and simple gravity... You have a gifted way with words, and a true and rare advantage, that places you a measure above the rest... You have a heart of pure gold, and a spirit, that compels the reader, onward... Well done I say again... You write with a quiet perfection, that shines through you, and you eloquence...
~ James ~
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Death is the hardest thing to deal with by far.
I can feel your pain, I have been alone since the age of thirteen. I had my brother around until I was 26 only to die at the tender age of 42. And in all honesty he was not really all there for me, I waited for him to come around and what does he do but up and die. Yes I can feel your pain! One thing I would like to say is this magical universe that we have been given so graciuosly the chance to experience with cohesivness and choice is vast and unending so looking deep inside sometimes you'll find reasons and purpose are all but conducted far beyound our own simple understanding. Yet deep inside will revel answers that we can alone understand. Godbless!
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very intense about someones death but you sound like you know about the real meaning of it all , i feel saddened myself when someone leaves this earth without repentance , i have seen it many times before and it just overwealmingly breaks my heart to know that they are going to be in eternal damnation forever and ever , it's a good way to get the word out to others about it , if nothing else will make them change their ways maybe something on the topic of burning in hell for all of eternity will
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Well done. I'm impressed
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What an incredible poem. I loved it. It is so sad. I hope that this is just a poem and you are not living it, any loss is painfull. Great Write.
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Excellent.
Very well done Lisa.
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