Dropping the act, you can’t compare
The dream I have to find clear air
Dropping the act, you wouldn’t dare
Fly away, on a wing and a prayer
The distant ground, it rushes by
Turbulence defining the sky
The distant sound, a friendship dies
Towering fears blind my eyes
Seeking the calm amongst the din
Rushing along buffeted by wind
Seeking something else I can’t explain
Rushing to condemn once again
Lift me up again, with man-made wings
You threw me down, these broken things
Wrap me istead with your angel wings
And beautiful sound with which you sing
Dropping the act, would you dare
To fly with me, on a wing and a prayer
A contest entry
- ANYTHING, Just make it good. -->4,000 points by InfiniteCaitlin.
4500 points, ended September 2, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
I agree on the flow... it was wonderfull and I think that wings twice in the 4th stanza takes away from this poem. In all it was really great and you made me feel what you were saying here. Great luck in the contest
-
An echoing peal of words carrying the reader surely into a metaphor of some power. "The distant sound, a friendship dies Towering fears blind my eyes ." is a redounding success.
-
I think this poem is excellent, in my mind it describes how people today fight to escape from modern conflicts "Seeking the calm among the din". It also has a personal connection to me in the sense that there have been times when I have been trying to fly away on a wing and a prayer. EXCELLENT poem, and thanks for adding it.
-
Gorgeous
I like the melody and softness of your general word choice, then using strong words of hurt in contrast.
Only thing--
(and I'm just being a stickler)
Turbulence buffeting in the sky
Rushing along buffeted by wind
Using the same word so close together just sounded a little weird to me. *shrugs*
Not important, but it struck me.
Anyways, a fantastic piece of imagery- good job!
-
-
Thank you for your constructive comments...made a small change, I think it makes it better. Again, this is what I look for in terms of improvements. Bravo.
-
-
I love the closing lines. They just cover the whole poem with such a sweet aura. Thank you for sharing.
midnight lace -
Okay I'm not the type of person who pastes huge parts of your poem in the comment to make it decent, but I just wanted to point out how wonderful this line is
"Lift me up again, with man-made wings"
it just gives so many images, man-made wings, makes me think of constructed hope that shouldn't really be there but we made it so.
This poem is well written, interesting concept and great rhyme.
-
Michael, glad your muse is back.Your poem is quite interesting. I wrote a poem awhile back with the same title. You may want to check it out sometime. You know, this reminds me of the movie with the same name too.Well you take care and have a wonderful evening.
Blessings
Sandy
-
You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, Michael. Effortless unforced rhyme is a skill to be admired. Beautiful poignant words stated with such honesty.
Take care my friend
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
