Ascending the stairway
up to my attic realm,
I become a princess
taking the kingdom's helm.
The windowseat my throne,
a threadbare rug my gown;
a worn old newspaper
I fold into my crown.
I walk the village streets
to help my people out-
always glad to see me
they often cheer and shout.
Ruling there for hours,
this was more than pretend.
It always upset me
whenever it would end.
Growing a bit taller
the edge is hard to greet-
those subjects rarely see me;
getting there's a feat.
The lovely box houses
slowly disappear
as they are packed away,
I cannot hide a tear.
My kingdom long abandoned
until I'm old and gray,
I move aside some boxes
and stumble upon a doorway.
I grasp the rusted doorknob
and climb the creaky stairs
to sit on my old throne
from my childhood years.
Author notes
I was inspired to write this when we had moved into a new house, with a big attic accessible from the hallway by a flight of stairs. It's so cool, because it is such a storybook- idealized attic, if you know what I mean: the type where a child goes in at their grandparents and finds tons of neat old stuff. I just love it! (This poem tells a little story: A girl plays pretend in her attic all the time. Eventually her family moves away, for a very long time. When she's much older, she moves once more and finds a walk- in attic like she had when she was a little girl. )
A contest entry
- ANYTHING, Just make it good. -->4,000 points by InfiniteCaitlin.
4500 points, ended September 2, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Nice Sentiment
I like the story you're telling here. It's interesting that you're looking forward to looking back.
I'm not sure that you needed to explain your story. The poem stands on its own, though it may not say precisely the story you intended. If you feel a need to explain more, you might want to revise the poem to add more detail (again, not necessary, the poem succeeds, this would be up to you).
It would work better for me if the rhythm were established earlier in the poem. For example, "As I ascend the stairway/ to reach my attic realm/ I transform to a princess / and take my kingdom's helm."
What would be interesting is to tighten up the rhythm throughout. Then, when you say "I stumble upon a doorway," which is a line that also breaks with the rhythm completely, it would add interest to the poem.
This poem is a gem. A little extra polish would help it shine even more brightly. :-)
-Epistomolus -
I really like the topic you wrote about, and it is one that can appeal to a wide age range. The meter and rhyme flow well and your word usage is great. I like the 2nd stanza the best it has the strongest imagery.
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This is a beautiful piece that flows wonderfully. Some great imagery throughout ... love the idea of making a crown out of a "worn old newspaper" ... may just need to put a 't' into the word 'stumble'(7th stanza). A gorgeous little poem which makes me feel all dreamy ... best of luck in the contest!! xx
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Oops...sorry. Thanks for catching that.
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