The asphalt cooked her half-nude body
Leaving an aroma of shame
And a taste of stale urine
Floating from the trace of
lingering yellow-orange stain
on her paper-white lingerie
As water began to gently fall…
She lay silently in solace
Her limp frail shell
Flattered by the dripping rain
Cleansing all traces of blood
from the needle tracks
entitled to the addict
A silver light soared…
Her memory a nugget of coal
Black, remote beneath the earth
As her body old beyond her years
Failed her, while her spirit flew
Free from mortal sensations
No longer seeking answers
The mourning started long ago
In the hearts of those who loved her…
Author notes
I used all three words banks in one poem, I hope that's what you meant by stating we could use them all.
To all - this is not about anyone specific, just what I was inspired to write from the word banks. YAY FOR WORD BANKS! I LOVE 'EM! But, I always seem to write such serious writes from them... ah well.
I can't find a good image for this. If anyone wants to share a good one with me, I'd appreciate it!
A contest entry
- word bank [should be easy] by the chase.
475 points, ended August 26, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites that dont suck. by parachute fog.
400 points, ended October 20, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INVITE ONLY...FOR MY FAVORITES OR ANYONE WHO H AS ME ON THEIR FAVORITE'S... BEFORE TODAY by mysticstorm.
600 points, ended December 8, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I think I need to work on the ending (last two lines), kind of changes gears and leave sit hanging. What do you all think?
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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sometimes when we seek a high, we get more then we bargained for, our souls escape the
very boundaries of the flesh itself, and we are swept away into a higher realm, where our maker wants to know why we undid his creation far too early, just to get high. ~Artis
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It is intriguing to think about why people destroy their bodies for whatever feeling they get (or hide from) in their destructive addictions. Seems it will always be a struggle for some to stay away from whatever it is that draws them into this hell. Thank you so much for visiting and commenting and clappies, Artis.
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This is incredible and word bank or not it is so real and to life for so many...you hit the nail on the head perfectly...I have leaved through this with a loved one and it is just this sad...
"Her memory a nugget of coal
Black, remote beneath the earth
As her body old beyond her years
Failed her, while her spirit flew
Free from mortal sensations
No longer seeking answers"
This lines are it...body ages so quickly...yet a youthful spirit is trapped inside.
Tha last two lines are pure truth.
The whole write is beautiful and perfectly written.
Congat's to you on a job so well done...in it's dark truth and serious nature.
Thank you for entering and sharing this with us all!
mystic
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Thank you, Mystic, for reading, your praises and sharing your thoughts, much appreciated! I hope you enjoy your contest and don't get too overwhelmed with them all.
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She lay silently in solace
Her limp frail shell
Flattered by the dripping rain
Cleansing all traces of blood
from the needle tracks
entitled to the addict
this needs nothing more to it
the poem is perfect -
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Thank you so much for visiting and your comment, Riftkin.
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I don't think you need to change a thing. Your last two lines say so much, they are perfect...summing up the thought provoking words that precede them.
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Thank you, Margaret.
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Oh my God. I am telling you, NO MORE WORD BANKS...too much seriousness. It actually made my tummy turn. Love you Momma Bell!
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I know! All the words banks inspire serious writes, but I enjoy them, things I would never write otherwise. Give me a word bank with fun words and maybe I'll come up with something funny.
Love you, Rosita Bonita!
Momma Bella
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Thank you :]
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Thank you, again, for inspiration to write.
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Well Miss Buddy when I started reading this I must
admit I was a little shocked
that first stanza
has me written all over it...the half nude body...
aroma of shame and urine...lingerie made of paper
stolen from my doctors office. I thought for sure
this was about me, this is how I wake up every morning but I'm much to chicken to use a needle for anything more than sewing on a button. So I guess you drilled this out of that incredible imagination you have!!! You nailed the metaphors, you nailed the
dark emotion, you just nailed this mother!!!
WELL DONE!!!! Doc.
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HAHAHAHA!
You are too funny. You should see a doctor about that bed wetting problem, or did you already see him and that's when you stole the paper lingerie? 
Nice to hear you don't do needle drugs! Whew! And all this time I thought for sure... 
Here's a site that might help you with your enuresis problem.
http://www.irishhealth.com/index.html?level=4&con=14
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WOW...you are on fire Cuz Another excellent job you have done with the word bank Brilliant indeed
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Better get out the fire extinguisher! Thanks for visiting and your wonderful feedback and clappies, Cuuuuuuuuz!
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I don't think you need a picture to go with this, I can see the image clearly when I read it, just as I like the way it finished. I'm not so sure it changes gears but instead gives an entry into the next image if that makes sense.
You do rock on word banks, this is an excellent poem, I didn't actually look at the word lists as I am sure you checked and double checked to make sure they were all there. Great imagery and an excellent poem, good luck in the contest.
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Thank you for the detailed feedback, Adrian! I appreciate it. And, of course, for all the clappies.
Checked... yep... double checked? Oops.
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