dear sirs this is a plea
bury me
in poetry and melodies
i have been slipping as of late
the razor edge isn't all its made out to be
the work week weighs cities
on my slender chipped shoulders
but dont let me get you down in my mud pit sirs
im sure your lives are fine and dandy in your Oxfords
and Cambridges soaking up the atmosphere
and genocides
to be honest sirs i find genocide quite dull
lacking its own universal truth
and poetic justice and what have you
if only someone could find a reason for all those pointless words
that we hold so close and dear and call upon in hours of need
words are nothing sirs
nothing but a smattering of meanings and double entendres
if anything we should look to the emotion behind the person
hidden inside the lines not between
i drone on in my ordinary way whilst you professors teach history and accidents
until eventually you hit the solid dirt and find yourselves without emotion
graffiti on cold concrete knowing that all you hold dear are quotes and dead men
and their words
Author notes
get my drift?
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Good work, well worthy of a read and a good and clear form that forms the images. Words are a vehicle for disguisings of emotions.
best wishes.
Georges.
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This is so cool and so true in what you wrote. I like this work of poetry that you did. I did get your drift...lol
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thanks
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Gave me chill bumps.
This is a wonderful take on what words mean so insiteful from a guy who is only 17.I absolutely liked all of this piece there is nothing that I disliked in it. For me it was not awkward to read, and though this is almost the first time that I have read anything aligned this way I found it delightful. I can realy relate to what the author has to say about words ,(look for the emotion behind the person hidden inside) how very perceptive ithink that is just great. I would not change anything about this piece. The title is a fine example of what is meant by words. The first line is very good. I think that you maybe should have written (from) inbetween (quotes and dead men) instead of (and). Otherwise I wouldn't change anything. I liked it very much.
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thank you! i'll think about it! glad to know some enjoy it!
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When i decided to click, sincerely this wasn't what i expected to see. This twist that hit my expectations didn't dull me to say the least. I think you tried to say a few things with so many words, even though that makes the message a bit foggy. I admire your opinions and the way you put the words into use, and that kinda made it deep. Nice work though. Good write.
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i'm glad someone sees what i'm saying. did you expect something like "ineedwantyou i miss you so much etc. etc"? i find that that's a good percentage of the stuff around here, along with cutting and DP(ugh).
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i think you have some strong opions
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eh?
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Interesting opening stanza. I'm wondering why you want to be buried in "poetry and melodies". The second stanza hints at certain suicidal tendencies. You also reveal a weariness to the monotony of the daily grind.
There's a nice caustic remark in the fourth stanza.
You turn the irony up a notch in the fifth stanza.
Now you question the very validity of poetry.
Then you give your opinion. Don't know if I agree with it. Let's see if you can back up your opinion.
And back it up you do by saying one should look for the person behind the words who is using the words as a tool to express themselves. I think this poem is a plead for more romance in poetry. And while romance has its downsides, I tend to agree with you.
Good job.
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yay! thank you for analyzing and all!
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I clicked because I was interested in knowing how you would use words to justify your desire for something more than words. I like some of your ideas, but think you stretch on the 'genocide lacks universal truth' - I disagree.
Your poem will be stronger if you cut the excessively wordy, conversational tone - but an example would be ending with 'graffiti on cold concrete / dead men and their words.'
If you're attached to the conversation with scholars concept, at least cut out things like 'and what have you'. This type of conversation adds little to your meaning, and uses more words than you need. It seems to me the entire point of your poem is to reduce words to their actual meaning, so the fewer you use, the closer you come to achieving this.
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i was attempting to use the overuse of words to help get my point across, but it seems it backfired on me.
i will wait for another comment or two to see what others think before editing it.
thank you for reading and commenting!
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I do...
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yaaaaay
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