When I was finished fucking her
I told her to sleep on the couch
After smelling her foul sweat
My skin couldn't handle her anymore
She left quickly next morning
So I could scrub away everything
Get that sickness out of my stomach
Again deal with the awful crunch
But I couldn't bring myself to drink
Deal with another kind of excess
I just sat blankly watching TV
I just knew that I was tired
I was very tired
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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scratch that a bit... it's just this line that seems to irritate me in some way : I just knew that I was tired, possibly the "just knew" part. but i like how you added the very last line to this piece...
Abby Eyeball -
this is a good piece of writing, however, i feel as though in parts it should be tweaked so as not to sound a bit juvenile, particularly the last line.
Abby Eyeball -
this is terrible
a womans always suppose to be clean
oh ya she can get dirty
but to stink .next time stand closer while your loaded .
ha ha -
Wow, nicely written poem, but why in the world did you go that far as to fuck her if she was so bad? I would have just acted like I was very ill, (witch i'm sure you were almost there) and just told her to leave.
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Have been out of the dating scene for quite a while, so I don't quite know what to say. Maybe you need to take a good look ... and a good whiff before taking someone home to your bed next time.
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Interesting. If she was that bad, why do her in the first place. Well I guess if you had to have some, at least take a shower before bed. Then clean the house and shower again. Nicely written
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Been there,you did a great job on this.
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Nasty!!
Sweety if she was that nasty, why did ya wait till morning to wash that shit off???
She left quickly next morning
So I could scrub away everything
LOL
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