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Castaway

Missing image

Castaway

The ebb tide buries my feet in the sand
A moment in time means nothing to me
It has been so long since I held your hand

I’m lost and afraid at the storms’ command
Beneath the slate sky, I'm here by the sea
The ebb tide buries my feet in the sand

Dropped on an island, this small patch of land
Left here by myself, O how I need thee
It has been so long since I held your hand

Calling to you as a siren I stand
Trapped all alone with no chance to flee
The ebb tide buries my feet in the sand

The years roll by this is not what I planned
Gentle waves roll in as if by decree
It has been so long since I held your hand

I’m left all alone, I don’t understand
So calling for you keeps my sanity
The ebb tide buries my feet in the sand
It has been so long since I held your hand

 

 

 

Author notes

Villanelle

A Villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyming scheme:
aba aba aba aba aba abaa.
The first and the third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).
Form Resource: shadowpoetry.com

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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • second-born
    September 26, 2007

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    oh my...this is such a very captivating poem...the last quatrain is very enchanting with its perfect flow and pure sentiments from the heart...


  • Riftkin gold member
    September 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I’m left all alone, I don’t understand
    So calling for you keeps my sanity
    The ebb tide buries my feet in the sand
    It has been so long since I held your hand

    love how you did this poem and i have written your
    form down to try next thank you

  • Seeking Peace silver member
    August 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, beautiful, I wish I could write in this form, but alas I am hopeless... this is sublime, welcome to the finalists

    Thank you for taking the time to enter this contest, I wish you the best of luck

    Karen


  • michael thomas gold member
    August 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    no silly!!!!!!

    I do not mean "gay"!!!!!!! I just love the man called microl for his good poetry. He writes like a cross between Carl Sandburg and Robert Frost. Sorry for using words so casually. My partners get mad at me for calling all me male clients, "Sweetie"

    This is funny: I have always liked gay men because they are so sensitive, well one client I had use to call me "Pussy cat" in front of the woman and they would get the biggest kick out of it.


  • Swan song gold member
    August 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is perfect! Again smooth with perfect meter.
    Sometimes Villianelles are hard to read, but this one flows. Well done indeed!

  • michael thomas gold member
    August 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    first foray

    I speak to the one you call mother.
    I am afraid to step here because I feel
    that you are a young bird that chatters
    in the trees as any form of danger comes near.

    I commented on your poem about the ocean but
    never heard back from you, since in some magic
    way I won an award with out even trying, hardly. I was taken back, quite frankly, since I only last month begin to pull all my stupid poems together and send them out on fragile paper lanterns floating along the river at night till the candles burn out and night once more settles over them.

    There seems to be a link because I have fallen in love with a professorial type poet, a gentleman who wrote "after the drought" which i just commented upon. He is a good poet. He has you as his first favorite.

    Now, this poem. The gentle strength of this poem is not the depth of the images or similes but the great command of the language that you exhibit. It is an early command, but special, none-the-less. A poet that can create contextual links in a short poem is gifted, as you are. Poetry is concise. Poets have to run into the fray spilling starlight over dark skies quickly hoping some of their images bring illumination to some hearts. You have the ability to create that illumination in very clear language that makes the reader feel very comfortable with your few poems that I have seen or read deeply, as the one above. The writer of "after the drought" borders on Haiku. You border on longer prose poems but not prose since you put your words into stanzas and you use lots of words. So, do I like your poems? Yes very much not for the old crap of an old man who comforts himself in thinking old, but in what is yet to come from you in rich deeper wisdom.

    Now, some suggestions of your poem: Overall, a siren, like the Lorelei would never have trouble attracting her lover to herself. She sits secure on her island bringing ships to desctruction. You use the word siren but weaken it by using it in a poem where you are telling the reader that you miss your friend and did not count on years going by without seeing the person. I give the poem three little creatures simply because you worked hard to make a beautiful structure.

    michael thomas


    • Amera gold member
      August 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      First I want to apologize if I didn’t answer a comment you left for me. Not to make an excuse but I sometimes get overwhelmed with my interventions with other poets. I am an AP teacher for the sestina and I also run the “elf forest group” teaching children formal poetry.
      Thank you for the in-depth comment and the “bunnies”. I agree with you about the Sirens. That was done intentionally to incorporate the contest photograph as the woman appears to be summoning something or someone who is out to sea. In fact I did a small bit of research on the subject in for my poem entitled “Calypso” which is about “Siren Acheloides Σειρήνες”. So your point is valid. Many times I write for a specific reason and this poem was not designed for anything but the contest. Much of my work has hidden anagrams, acrostics and metaphor as it is designed for publication.
      Now for the girlie stuff… I just have to know; who is this guy that you’ve fallen in love with? Please tell me privately in an AP IM, I won’t spread it around.

      Thanks again,

      Love,
      Amera ♥


  • Griswold
    August 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautifully done, I can see I stand no chance in this contest, this was awesome. Oh well, I watch and i learn...Scott


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    August 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely villanelle, such longing expressed...perfect poem amd form.


  • Hetha gold member
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    So beautiful, and sad, all in one gorgeous breath! I love it! I can feel the loneliness throughout the poem. Yet it relinquishes the feeling of "pity me," and replaces it with hope and the feeling of hanging on to that special feeling of being with one person who means so much to the narrator. Awesome job! Good luck in the contest!


  • WhisperingSpirit
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful write here.
    I loved the words you have used here.
    What a beautiful picture here and in the mind this gives one. Good luck in the contest


  • Whoochi gold member
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Dollface, I seriously am happy to see the picture of me from last weeks ocean vacation on your poem, but honestly, you did NOT have to.....Love this...love you!


    • Griswold
      August 18, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hey Woochi!!! you're back!! ya got a good tan now? Good to see you hon...Scott


  • HaleyMary
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write. Wonderful flow. I like the villanelle style. You seem to have a talent for this style of poetry, as well. Best of luck to you in the contest.


  • bedovich
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wowwwwwww lovely poem sis i love it loadssss


  • PerVirtuous
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My my my! You have done it again. Just whan I think you have done something spectacular you top it! How do I keep up? *sigh* Keep it up!


  • Desire gold member
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Magnificent!!

    Oy!! Love this piece penned Sweet Soul and the images grab the reader to want to read again-again~
    Beautifully versed also-Wonderful form

    Got it
    Wooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooo
    Brought the picture to Life
    Loving it!!
    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • StarEyes
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Miss Form Queen is at it again! hehe. I love this one, and well sounds like me in someways! What a great job you did on this one! Totally amazing!!

    Best of luck in this contest!!!!!

    and much love

    Nyetta


  • JohnnyD gold member
    August 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Amera, Owwwwwwww, I do like this one, I wish I cold rescue her. The entire write made me fall in love witht his young lady...errr, perhaps lust is more the correct phrase??

    Ebb tide strips my supporting foundation,
    Leaning soul towards loving, not lusting.
    Eyes yearning for sight of your billowed sails,
    As thou joins me on small patch of desire

    Amera, just have them toss me overboard, I'll swim to shore and take me chances!



    Dad

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