The other night I was thinking of you,
And how someday I would have you.
Someone else stepped into my thoughts,
And I didn't think about you for a while.
But right now, all I can think about,
Is you with him, And he's not me.
Believe me I've tried to forget you.
But its not as easy as it sounds.
I tried to cut you out of me,
Thought it was for the best,
But all that got me,
Was a heart shaped hole in my chest.
I can hear my heart beating,
Feel my teeth clenching,
Getting madder by the second,
Why the hell won't you just...
Chorus:
Get out, get out,
Get out of my sight.
Get out, get out,
Get out of my mind,
Get out, get out,
Get out of my heart.
I want you gone,
Outa my life. (X2)
I fall to my knees,
I can't do this anymore.
All I want is the pain to be gone.
What the hell has this all been for?
I don't want to be here.
I don't wanna see your smillin face.
I need you gone, without a trace.
I can hear my heart beating,
Feel my teeth clenching,
Getting madder by the second,
Why the hell won't you just...
Get out, get out,
Get out of my sight.
Get out, get out,
Get out of my mind.
Get out, get out,
Get out of my heart.
I just want you gone,
Outa my life. (X2)
A contest entry
- *** Untitled Contest *** by Hebz.
425 points, ended September 21, 2007, 74 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE CONTEST>>>>BREAK_UPS by PersuingHappyness.
400 points, ended November 2, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time For You To Take A Chance ~ Round One by Tears and Raine.
320 points, ended January 26, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
this was great!
i could feel the anger and heart ache in this great work! -
JUDGED
I think that this was wonderfully made... It's very sad and lonesome and it touches the heartstrings.... I loved the part where it said:
But all that got me,
Was a heart shaped hole in my chest.
I can hear my heart beating,
Feel my teeth clenching,
Getting madder by the second,
... Very nicely written -
WOW, Amazing!!!
Excellent Write!!
You Described what I want to say to someone, u know lol...
I really enjoyed reading it...
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
..wow, the emotion just hit me like a ton of bricks it made me remember every hurt that I have gone through, that's what I like about it, a person can connect. I hope that your path gets smoother.
~Best Wishes~
-
To be honest, the heart shaped hole would be a little too cliche for me if this were just a poem on paper, and the lack of reflection would have made this fall flat. As a song, though, I think it works really well. The first stnza sets the context and right emotional distance, second stanza transitions, and the chorus lays it straight out. I used to listen to a lot of straight edge hard core, and the structure of this piece would work perfectly in that framework.
Good job.
Brian
-
Why must the two of us feel the same way, Carston? I just got finished crying over that. Everyone tells us to give up, but they don't know how bad it hurts. If the person who caught OUR person knew just what it felt like, they wouldn't be so smug about how we failed and they succeeded. If you read my work lately, you'll know that I feel just like you. I'm praying for you, dearest. Pray for me, too, please.
Your Daughter,
Kaye Marie
-
hey
wow...i know how your feeling in this.
these are great lyrics. love it^^
♥
-
dang babe dis here is a good song, 4relz i like it.
nice work man, i may just look up more from u, l8terz
*gina* -
I could see this being a song. It's very emotional, and if sung the right way, it would sound even better.
Amazing write, my friend.
Keep up this work.
You've got my attention.
xx. -
Wow! Such emotion... such realness! I really wish there was something I could do... someway to get your heart beatin again cuz it seems to me like you wanna just die. Wish I could get you to trust women again but, only you can do that. It takes time dear. Love will find you soon, don't worry! Hey can you check out my contest?
-
wow sweetie this is strong..and deep,
hay i am sorry, really i am i wish there was something i could do to help you, to be true i am so not to found of this girl and i dont even know her, but anyone who makes you feel the way you feel is so not kool with me, i love you forever and ever and i am sorry again sweet, xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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