Roller coaster tycoon

Pacing steps winding and turning down the streets,
it feels like a new world,
trying to believe that more than the fact that I really have changed that  much,
everything seeming so new to this new me.
A blistering emotional roller coaster tycoon,
my hair flinging in the wind but no time for that now,
no time to stop and think.
Sleeping it all away,
tucking my depression under my pillow,
kissing my problems good night and sweet dreams.
Twisted faiths burned and embedded in my head,
my own torturing screams bustling tonight,

held my breath this whole ride,

afraid if I stopped all thats gone wrong might actually catch up to me.

Instead I hold on,

head back eyes down,

nauseating myself over all these loops and bumps,

I got motion sickness from the thought of it all.

Feeling sea sick most days,

Ahoy matey!,

fighting the temptation not to burrow away,

stick my head in the sand and pretend everythings alright again.

Becoming an ostrich is OK,

a little sand in your eyes and everything goes away,

hide from the shadows and eventually there's light,

so much bullshit straining through these teeth tonight.

The first time in a while I've thought,

thought to think,

thought to feel,

just ....thought.

It's lost all its excitement now,

the thrill of the ride,

throwing your hands in the wind to be dangerous,

now holding my hands so close to my chest,

knowing if given the chance it too will run away.

One last sigh,

one last night,

another rambling moment not much else to think.

No idea  any more as it feels like this roller coaster is about to derail,

I'm scared, and nervous,

and I haven't been this scared,

not in years,

not since....