He'd never said, "I love you"
in all their married years
nor put his arms around her,
nor brushed away her tears.
Her heart held a sea of love,
but it never was enough.
Still, she hoped he'd one day see
more tenderly than tough.
One afternoon it happened;
the words rolled off his tongue~
language foreign to her ears,
for youth had gone unsung.
Years alone had come and gone,
lines etched upon her face,
her heart broke, body burgeoning~
old hands lost all grace.
Recalling fallen yesterdays
when wishes ached for wings,
gentle hands, and someone else~
in dreams her heart could sing.
Love is not won easily,
the gambler pays a price.
She gave all; he looked away~
Alms? Apathy and ice.
Come lately, now he's sorry;
she's nothing left to give~
the dream long gone and buried
she always thought would live.
How is it that he needs her?
he never had before~
"I love you" now castaway
upon forsaken shores.
In a list
A contest entry
- GHOST - Photo Inspired for RHYME by passim.
1200 points, ended August 17, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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My goodness ...
I hope this isn't autobiographical.
Anyway, it's a very good poem. I'm not big on this kind of thing, but this one works very well.
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thiss was so sad but you wrote this with so much heart
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very sad
I think it happens that way too, we work ourselves into ruts and lose the vision that started us down that road. When someone changes to what we hoped for in the beginning, it is too late to change an habitual response.
This is very well written and rhymed, and so true to life.
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so sad Karen ...its such a universal subject beautifully expressed ... lovely >>> Gina
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Wow. This sounds like a few older couples I know. Men are such fools. Most don't appreciate what they have until they've given up on the fantasy of something better. And a fantasy is what it is. Every woman is perfect until the man finds out they are human, too. (And vice versa) So men get trapped in fantasy and never really see the wonder of the woman right next to them, and by the time they do, it's too late, as your poem shows. So sad - two prisons with so much beauty between them left unexplored. Beautiful write.
Mark
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Hi Mark The words are probably not nearly as important as the touch and sharing of each other and dreams, but when those things aren't there either, so much living is lost to emptiness and heartache. Too little too late, famished affections starve to death. It is such a waste.
I like your analogy of two prisons...thank you for leaving such an insightful comment.
Karen
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wow
intence i like it -
There are many sentiments taken for granted, love seems to be the number one in the list,
How sad it is to live a life waiting to hear words of kindness from the one we love.
And even more sad is when those words come too late.
Excellent poem you have here Karen
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Sigh...this is excellent, I have always liked the story of those two, even though, a sad one, I really enjoyed this read, very smooth and touching
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Given your obvious talent, I think your page should bare many more trophies than it does. Another beautiful write from your pen
Ruth
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A modern day re-telling. Very creative...and just as Echo in the fable you've created the parallel to her pining away until just her voice remained....in this case, the losss of her dreams.
Why does he change? This is the interesting part. Does he see the reflection of himself in her love? That is what I think and that is very clever indeed. As in the fable, he's doomed to a love that cannot be fulfilled...that of self-love.
"How is it that he needs her?
he never had before~"
That is the curse, and the indication that his love isn't true...and that is why she has nothing left...she knows this sudden love is false. That's my rendition anyway.
It's for a contest...quite creative, I hope the critter running it appreciates the depth that might be missed if one doesn't know your source.
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Well done, bravo. This was well worth the tweaking. I am so pleased. It reads smoothly now. Thank you for sharing this one and good luck in the contest.
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i lived with this kind of love long enough to where more than my hands were withered. everything about me was withered and parched enough to dry up and blow away the moment the door closed. very sad and yet heart touching at the same time. i guess these words brought back emotions that i thought were buried and gone. beautifully written. best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed
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Stunning
Karen maybe a tweak on the very last line. But it will be a minor tweak unless you re-vision it completely. This is a stunner. Your use of the myth makes a beautiful metaphor and plays well in every line. I am awed by this one my friend, awed. Love, Tom B.
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Oh, Karen, this is such a breathtaking piece! The sorrow of loving one incapable of returning it is beyond earthly pain. A shell of a person it will make, and you have brought to life that very creature. Not many poems on AP have made it into my bookmark, but this one just did.
Truly an amazing piece, and I will wish you good luck in the contest, but I'd give you the gold this very minute, myself. Beautiful!!!!! Hugs, Patricia
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A moving and well-written poem which really shows how love, or the lack of it, can be so damaging. Good work.
Bill
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What sadness. This experience will hit a chord with many of us. I like the rhyme, you have put a lot of thought into this. The meter was out in a couple of places, but I am sure there's room for a little tweaking. The syllable count doesn't match throughout eg second lines seem to change syllable count sometimes 6 sometimes seven, but "it comes with a price" is only 5. They should all be the same count.
Thank you for entering.
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"But love is not so easy,
it comes with a price;"
Such wise words, my friend - all the rhymes and reasons of these 3 words "I love you"... As old as the mountains but will we ever fully understand it...or rather how some people refuse to respond to love and wait until it's too late or love that comes "too late".... This one had me thinking... A sad one, my friend but so well done.
~ Nicolette
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This has that haunting quality in its words, a life of love that has passed her by and a longing for it to be returned when she knows it never can. I can relate to this, we should never wait for happiness t find us we should go out and look for ourselves. Love, C
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