Shell shocked by age five,
maybe even younger,
Sad, sad little lady
downing Bacardi 151 on a wooden chair
at the Clorox-clean breakfast table.
Dad always wants to shut her up,
suffocate that
fucking bitch’s puffy face.
Tears will never mean a thing—they’re salt and water.
Paint the room Brick Red.
Stain Dad’s face Razzmatazz.
Bastardize her raw palms Scarlet and
her stick figure Red.
He’s envious.
Envious of her curious eyes
and open, untouched virgin heart.
Envious of a life with no regrets
and all the right doors open.
And she stood idly puzzled,
watching parts of her soul disintegrate
as Dad’s diatribe cartridges perform their job:
absolute mutilation.
Shell shocked by age five,
maybe even younger.
Hollow.
Author notes
&&In the Know:Emotional Abuse
&&Emotional abuse is commonly defined as the systematic tearing down of another human being.
&&Emotional abuse is a pattern of behavior that attacks a child's emotional development and sense of self-worth. Emotional abuse includes excessive, aggressive or unreasonable demands that place expectations on a child beyond his or her capacity. Constant criticizing, belittling, insulting, rejecting and teasing are some of the forms these verbal attacks can take (National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse, 1987).
&&Emotional abuse that exists independently of other forms of abuse is the most difficult form of child abuse to identify and stop. Emotional child abuse accounts for approximately 7% of all reported cases of child maltreatment across the United States.
&&What is truly harmful, according to James Garbarino, a national expert on emotional abuse, is the persistent, chronic pattern that “erodes and corrodes a child.”
**Regional winner in Live Poetry Society of NJ Spring-Summer 2008 contest...will be published.
**Honorable mention http://www.highschoolpoetrycontest.com/07-08
In a list
A contest entry
- Show me what you got! :) by VanGoghNights.
400 points, ended December 7, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Awesome write here. You are really talented. This kind of makes me sad....Thanks for the share. Keep up the great work!
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alright this poem is simply beautiful. i loved it from the first line.
however i think you misunderstood the contest guidelines...
the task was to use all twenty words, or variations of those words in twenty lines or less.
you only used one. (magnificantly i might add) but still this poem does not fit into our contest.
however, i would kindly ask that you resubmit something. i would hate to see this great style of yours lost to this contest.
please please please resubmit?
sorry about the removal, no hard feelings i swear!
hope to see something of your back here.
Abby -
Sad
and so honest..thank you so much for this amazing write I applaud you bravery.. I loved every single word
Savina
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Thank you for the applause and comment, Savina! Sometimes it sounds so surreal, like a lie, but you and I know it's truth
Jen >_<
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I loved this.
So much description, it's almost like a very very short story. It holds so much sadness, almost an underlying tone of pity. The ending was perfect. The only thing I didn't get, was why you capitalized the colors. Other than that, I don't have any critique.
Awesome write
Jeanette*~
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Jeanette, thanks for the critique and applause!! I was trying to emphasize the different shades of red, but I'm not sure if I should keep it capitalized...
Jen >_<
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Touching. You renched on my heart with each line.
"Dad always wants to shut her up,
suffocate that
fucking bitch’s puffy face.
Tears will never mean a thing—they’re salt and water."
I know this all to well, my step father was abusive (as were alot of my ex boyfriends).
very personaly touching, it tore at some of my heart strings. The vocabulary is very well developed.
The only improvement that I would make here is a better flow, and in the last stanza I belive you ment 'by' not 'my'. Other than that It is a wonderfull write, by far one of the best I've read this week.
<3 wolfie.
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Wolfie, thank you for the correction and applause! How would you change it to make the flow more even?
Jen >_<
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great man
you really painted a vivid picture of what only few know of.
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Jeffstofsky, that was a wonderful compliment, one that was well said as opposed to, "Sweet poem!"
Jen >_<
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there are parts of this that hit me very personally. in brief i was reminded of my father telling me that my mother was jealous of me... of my 'freedom'. she was rather cold and critical, never really seemed to like me... enough one me... i'm not here to whine
the first stanza sucked me in. the title got my attention too i could picture that 'Clorox-clean breakfast table'.
excellent use of shades of red in the third stanza. that color can mean so many things from fury to love.
'shell shocked by age five' is just plain damn sad...
solid write that i'm glad i found
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That was a very touching comment, LadyUnique. Thanks for taking the time to read the poem and actually leave a comment that reflected on something specific within the poem. Yeah, it seems like sometimes our parents want us to live out the lives they wish they could have had, but at the same time, they are so envious and hate us for that ("Back in my day, I had to walk to school." etc.)
Thanks for reading and commenting!!
Jen >_<
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This reminds me so much of a former friend of mine. It's amazing how history can more often than not repeat itself. It's a shame. Your piece was very... powerful and dramatic. Nice job.
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Well I thought that you put alot of thought to this poem. Excellent work. Nice imagery well format. I feel alot of pain as a read it once more. Am I wrong? This really was a great write. Thank you for sharing. Blessed Be! ~~Shannon~~
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Thanks for the comment! Yeah, you are right--there holds a lot of truth in this (in my opinion).
Jen >_<
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Pretty good write, although I feel the cursing in a few spots fell hollow. Thanks for featuring, I am so glad I came across it.
♥
whisper
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wow this is powerful stuff you have here! bravo dont stop writing!
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Damn!!
"If you can't beat 'em, shoot 'em." Words as weapons? Vibrant and clear. Trauma in a capsule. Keep up the good work.
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