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Not Even Crushed Velvet

No
That shallow breath was quick and false
Not even crushed velvet
Nor the softest down
Could compare;
And, as for you
Diamond encrusted pearls would not shine
Platinum would hide its face
And gold would know of it's disgrace
When light had the two juxtaposed
Songbirds with their warbles
Sing their sweet melodies
But are only echoes of your laughter
And though sunshine is warm
Though sunshine feeds many fires
It could never suffice such a desire
Nor could any breeze
Have a touch so soft and chilling
Or be so graceful
To dance among trees
Without moving a limb
And let any with such fortune
To have heart and eyes to see
Thank god
For I do
And my eyes and heart still have sight

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • PrInCeSs AnAsTaCiA
    August 23, 2008
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    very nice i liked the feeling i got while reading, thanks for entering and good luck

    xx


  • FloridaGatorQueen silver member
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very beautifully written poem. A lot is said in these words. I enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.

  • Virgoan
    April 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like most of this piece. there are so many soft and brilliantly executed lines. the first line, i didn't like so much. i can sense that you are still young after reading this and will definitely grow soon in poetry.

    a very nicely woven piece - a finalist.

    thanks for sharing and keep writing.

    HENSLEY


  • Breaking Inside
    March 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow this is good, im glad you entered.


  • Lowell Poe
    February 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!
    You certainly are an excellent poet.
    After reading this I thought what a valued addition your kind words were, seeing your obvious talent.
    So beautiful.
    This is art!

    BLESSINGS ALWAYS BROTHER,
    LOWELL POE.


    • subliminalj
      February 12, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      blessings back. thank you for your immensely kind words. you haven't a clue how much it means, considering the poem being what it is.


  • Katilina
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Outstanding diction and corrosponding images. Sooft and delicate lines add to the effect of your poem. I think you have a great style. Wordsworth would be pround.

  • Alluringreality
    September 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely penned good sir there were far to many lines to pick a faviorte but one that stood out was this. "Diamond incrusted pearls would not shine
    Platinum would hide its face
    And gold would know of it's disgrace"
    most people forget the duality between metal and color but you nailed it. Keep up the amazing work I will review with honesty and empathy

1 - 8 of 8