As the one seventh becomes the seven eighths
Then the angels fell.
To the great fire - to the burning crust
There the stormy waste, block and ice
And great dusted plains of temptation.
Give up your support of regality
Drop to me.
Nature's monarchia - the power of death,
The abode of the living meets arid land
And there in still silence, wait.
There, we are cut off but not absent,
Torment alone rules,
There, the valley is sacrificed delivered by fire.
Now the world divided waits
And beneath the helmet, shadowed and invisible, dreams.
How once Tartarous imprisoned the Titans,
You are trapped.
Terror beyond the savage mystery, to scare and tease,
Replacing lost symbolism -
Exceeding the philosopher, concocting the offensive.
There is no heaven, no glory bright.
How much you stand to lose,
Deemed thoughtless sheep, claim power - arise,
Strength - self willed,
Independent friend, blind faith is punishment now.
A contest entry
- Une saison en enfer by Aesthete.
1500 points, ended August 24, 2007, 62 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow... that was truly staggering. You should be impressed with yourself. Maybe a pint or a self hug would suffice, but for god's sake do something. That was an outstanding poem and I am thrilled to have read it. It was meaningful, effective, and of course, quite beautiful.
I have a few suggestions, though they are strictly grammatical as the rest was iridescent.
I think that the title needs be fixed. If its singular perhaps it should be "where conclusion lies" or if its plural than you add and S to make "where conclusions lay"
Then with nature’s monarchia- I think it may sound better with monarchy, plus I'm not sure if monarchia is a word but with that one I'm not sure. So its up to you, poet.
I’m very glad indeed that this is in my contest and so thanks for entering. Peace -
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monarchia is the term used to describe all the lands ruled by emperor Charles V in C16th, i feel the conotations of nature's empire and the conglomoration of land and nature in all its different forms more effective than simply saying monarchy.
As for the title, it feels that it must be in the past tense, and i am also trying to create a feeling of there being one definate conclusion at the end of the poem rather than the undecided nature of plural conclusions. But thanks for the comments
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