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Recital

 

Smoke like semblance-
reveal the perfect  geometry-
of your vulnerable life.

Fragility is an innate adjective of glass,
but I have seen this rendition of your [performance].

Suspended realization spill-
into my spill proof thoughts.

[Too late for me to notice]

Abstract tears fall upon-
                         the edges of your cubed face.

Author notes

Written August 15, 2007

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • PorcelainHope
    November 8
    Edit | Reply
    Another astig poem pare. The piece compliments the photo very well


  • perfectsunset gold member
    September 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    There's not much to say accept wow, i loved this. This was totally a brilliant poem. Loved these lines "Fragility is an innate adjective of glass,
    but I have seen this rendition of your [performance]." Great peom!!! Best of luck & thanks for entering my contest


  • DancingRed
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Gorgeous - I love the abstraction.

    "Abstract tears fall upon-
                         the edges of your cubed face."
    -- perhaps with this last part the word 'abstract' isn't needed, as there feels to be many adjectives in a close space.

    You could try evening out the line lengths too - that might help it read better.

    I love the art and mathematical references. This is a GREAT poem.

    Thank you for entering.

    DancingRed.


  • Namita
    September 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. Abstract and unique. Thank you so much for the entries poet. It is a pleasure having you at THE PARTY!!

    Luv,
    ~Candy


  • Exodus gold member
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think "contemporary" is a safe words to use when describing your poems. They're unique and out-there while something about them captivates. I really like the way you turn your phrases. Thank you and good luck.

    • Virgoan
      August 24, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment and to be honest I just recently started enjoying free verse using my own style. I am learning alot from this community.


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful!!! great work


  • Naridill
    August 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh very tasteful, intriguing play on words and such beautiful thoughts within.
    Thanks for entering.
    Much luck.

1 - 8 of 8