Our doubts rise
on the waves of a tempest,
on the great sleeves of wind,
on the towers of hope,
in the pulpits
where leaders preach.
Our doubts wear
a dress that looks
different from different sides;
it has folds, curls, and holds
the dirt and sweat
of our lives.
Our doubts speak
in the muteness of empty cities
where glass houses house
silicone dolls.
They are humps of haste
made of warm clothing
and narcissistic pride.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
The poem is very, very good, and your last stanza is dynamite. Makes your point so effectively that I felt it in my gut when I read it. Gave me chills.
I really have to dig to find anything useful to say about this one. To be honest, the only thing I have to whine about here is totally a question of style. Your dress metaphor works very well, but I wonder if there is a way of saying, "...that looks/different from different sides" ("that looks," in particular) that would fit better with what surrounds. That wording seems more simplistic than the rest of the poem. Maybe add a line? Or not.
Kick-ass write.
-
-
No, guess you can't add a line, because that would separate "sides" and "lives" too much. Hmm. Maybe I'm just wrong.
-
-
I love the end... humps of haste is quite brilliant... not only for the sound but the originality of the same old ...pile of 'stuff'...
I love too, the way the repetition of our seems to play off of the narcissism at the end, that singular "I" gazing in the mirror, speaking to the Queen, asking over and over how beautiful am I...
Yes.. I think you've captured doubt .. and something else too.. the autonomy of ..the internet -- the lack of hmm.. honesty, I suppose I could say.. because the screen , with the distance, with the chances make it so easy to be anything, anyone.. as we know.... so well..
and why? ....ah....because of those doubts ..
-
Hi D.
I recently had the opportunity to look through and experiment a bit with a book called How to Write a Poem, by John Redmond. It belongs to a friend who was visiting me and she read it out loud while I was taking her to the airport and we discussed each chapter of the book. One of the chapters was on the use of repetition. I think I've had that on my mind since first reading this poem a few days ago -- you have done a good job with that tricky technique in this poem. There is reinforcement without a sense of a reading boredom that can accompany repeating words in a short poem. Good job.
I'm still working out some other thoughts about this that I seem not yet prepared (or capable) to put into words -- but I'll keep reading (and that, is a good thing, I think, when a poem calls you back over and over for contemplation).
Sleeves of wind is great.
Be back.
Lisa
-
great poem
-
This poem must be read more than once. This is one of those who are written for those who are always looking the depth of poetry. Great used pictures, metaphors, simply - even bitter, this is a great poem.
~Sonja~
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
