and once again, the world is torn
by the hands of me
and by the heart of you,
all bleeding stops
eventually,
but this wound
will never heal.
I wish I could
still feel the way
it used to be,
lost in the confusing thoughts
of friendship and love.
and once again we've been
split
by the thoughts of me
and the reactions of you.
and as friends we both
went in this together,
and together we both
destroyed us
forever
A contest entry
- "Quickie" Move me.... by Galaxy Bound.
300 points, ended December 3, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silver Pre-Writes by Leance.
450 points, ended July 12, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FIRST EVER WRITE YOU WROTE by lost.and.alone.
400 points, ended August 24, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think, please
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Great write, I really like this
I like your words -
"by the thoughts of me
and the reactions of you.
and as friends we both
went in this together,"
Thanks for entering && Good Luck !! xx -
a sad but easy to relate to piece of poetry. I appreciate your entry.
-
I would ask for more imagery,
I only got a tad bit of emotion out of this.
I did obtain a lot of the main idea however and I think this could be a lot better if you elaborated a small amount more. -
Good use of imagery here. Good write.
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I really like this. Thank you for directing me to it. I love the first 7 lines especially. I also like how you intertwine the two people and the different aspects brought to the relationship from them. Sad, but very relate-able.
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Oh wow I love this... been there before myself. Wonderful use of imagery and flow! Thanks for entering my contest and best of luck!
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'And once again' Beautiful opener.
Very sad and enthralling. Beautifully written, well done.
Thanks for entering.
Much luck
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Thank you for entering. This poem is very 'too the point'. Just like most others, i loved the ending and also:
By the hands of me
And by the heart of you
Good luck. -
This is very good. You did a wonderful job writing it. Keep up your good work. best ofl uck in the open contests. Congrats on your silver trophy! keep it up!
Crimson -
I like the ending of how you go:
And together we both
Destroyed us forever
it has certain impact different then the kind of feel i expected in the ending of this poem, not sure thought how. -
Mmmm, I like the distinction you've made between the bleeding stopping and the wound actually healing. The ending is very powerful, but perhaps this piece could've have more metaphor/imagery.
"And together we both
Destroyed us forever"
-- I like how these last lines seem to make the 'us' into a whole different character.
Thanks for entering.
DancingRed.
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thats extremly deep.
i love the last two lines! -
It has a lot of meaning behind it.
Like.. a love lost or something, very interesting.
I enjoyed this poem, not too sure if this poem was just a mind vent or not.. but I liked it.
Well done. :]
xx.
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