Blue horizon guides kites
flying into the ancient nexus,
that which the seraph guard the
sun; strong and serene careens between
every night and early morn.
Intrepidly traveling through
every craft, point of imagination
and din of darkest commotion.
To relegate the demons of night,
cast them down, serendipitously
imbuing life, balancing the yin;
yang curves reality, a perfect bend.
Author notes
I am applying for either a grandson or a son. Either way is perfectly sufficient to me. Best of luck with the contest.
A contest entry
- AP Family by Piccola.
450 points, ended August 18, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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vivid descriptions.......
I really like the personification in this first stanza.
Blue horizon guides kites
flying into the ancient nexus,
that which the seraph guard the
sun; strong and serene careens between
every night and early morn.
Very nice!
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You need to write more, I haven't heard from you in so long, I'm starting to become deprived =]
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I appreciate the kind remarks, but my well has run dry for some time.
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Either seraph or guard should be pluralized.
Perhaps careening would make things flow more for the reader.
The second stanza leaves where it rests in the name of self-discovery. An amount of connectedness through disconnecting, coming back together to form a surreal truth and a new opening.
My favorite line: din of darkest commotion -
Eh...
This is cool, in that it emphasizes what many ancient civilizations worshipped; the activities of the sun. I liked it a lot, although it seemed a little unfocused. Keep up the great work! -
Thank you all for the kind comments.
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I like this poem very much.
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simple, sweet and to the point. Magnificent imagery. I remember when I used to be your first commenter...and now you have exploded so talented that I am nearly the last. People are loving your work....
Keep it up.
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Thanks for all the encouragment.
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It took a really great grandson to write this wonderful poem. You have an amazing way with words, and a style that is uniquely your own. Best of luck in the contest with this fabulous piece.
D.D.M.
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nice wellwritten etc. but.........
am irritated by search for son or grandson. what's wrong with females? -
I forgot to say that those accepted will have their poetry placed on my page. Is that okay?
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this was wonderfuly written
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