Today, I grew wings to soar into the deepest blue,
And I thought to myself how beautiful the sky is,
this place where I can twist and turn,
unbound by rules or strictures.
And today, I learned the limits of freedom.
Once free, I realized how caged I really was.
How when there are no walls, the doors disappear with them.
I flew forth into the sky, and found that the sky is the limit in more ways than one.
When you go to far from the ground, your lungs may be like to burst.
In the cage of Freedom, you feel like you can do anything, but in truth, you can do nothing but survive.
Without stricture, you forget your goals and your dreams in the struggle to live each day.
Thus, I find that a life unbound is not ideal, but rather one must choose for themselves by what they want to be bound.
Because there are chains that tie you down, but there also chains that drag you up.
Author notes
This is just a quick write, I'd like to see some comments. I'll give love back, I've got nothing but time on my hands right now. XD
Is it a poem? IS IT? IS IT!?!?!
Comments
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with this piece.
It is delicate, and has deep meaning to me.
I believe in freedom, but I also believe in structure.
Combining both can give anybody what they truly want out of life.
Sometimes we have too much time on our hands, and other times we could really use more XD
This is a great poem. It speaks to me
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interesting
My first impression is that this is more prose than poetry but I liked it. I am finding that there is a lot of interestings things that people write, that I never thought that I would like before comming on this site. I liked the title and it goes well with this piece. The first and lastlines went very well with this piece also.I wouldn't be able to say if there were any thing very awkward in this because it is not something I would write or normally would read. However I could feel the essence of the piece very well, and thought about the old addage, " That to make a child really happy and feel safe there have to be bounderies to live by" To me this expresses this very well indeed. Ifeel that this piece in the style it is written should not be changed as it told the authers thoughts very well.
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Great opening stanza establishing a mood that describes perfect freedom.
The next two stanzas lose their poetic punch as you shift to a more philosophical tone. I would suggest that rather than saying you learned the limits of freedom that you describe the limits of freedom. Maybe you should delete lines 5-7.
The second last stanza could also be deleted. I think you can describe this idea better if you leave this poem a little more sparse.
I think this shows great promise but also needs a little more work -
Great thoughts, very creative and inspirational, I picture chains dragging a drowned person from the depths or saving a relic. Freedom carries more responsibility than the lack thereof, when someone else makes the rules. As you say, it is our responsiblity to choose our limits.
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