Somehow
whilst falling into
an abstract thoughtscape
suspiciously flavoured
with the aura of
a reminiscent
tryst
I felt
the essence
of your liberace quote
carefully furnish my being
with strands of
finely tuned
depth
This I
took as
warning to enlighten me
of proverbial still waters
which lurk
inside
you
Author notes
option 2. 50 words
In a list
A contest entry
- Abstract is Nice by Abv. 01101001.
540 points, ended August 15, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ I need some fine wine. And you? You need to be nicer! ♥ by forbidden-colour.
300 points, ended August 21, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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The lines worked into each other very nicely. I specifically liked the last stanza. I loved 'proverbial still waters' specifically, what a wonderful phrase! Enjoyed the read.
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not bad at all
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Very nicely written and long or short its the quality that counts. thanks for your entry Good Luck
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kablamo!
Finalist number 5!
I dont even need to think about it, strait onto my finalist list (which is not in any order).
The stanza structure gives the poem an awesome feeling and it is the kind of abstract write I was looking for.
Thank you so much for such a great refreshing write!
Goodluck!
Much love and respect.
Trento!
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i thought of the cinquain form here with the presentation aspect - a good piece, good steady beat
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cool
nice job and by the way love the little icon dog thing so cute! lalala sorry im very random -
I don't know if it's just me but, honestly, I thought it was TOO short. I liked it. A lot, really. But I don't know. And I'm pretty sure, for the original contest you entered this in, it was SUPPOSE to be short and it's a good short write but in my personal opinion, I don't like the length.
Good news, though.
I LIKED THE POEM!
Regardless of the length.
Love the line(s)...
"I felt
the essence
of your liberace quote
carefully furnish my being
with strands of
finely tuned
depth"
And, overall, I just really like the flow of it but I think it comes to a premature finish at the end because of the length. Oh well. Good luck!
-
"This I
took as
warning to enlighten me
of proverbial still waters
which lurk
inside
you"
This is wonderful!
Thank you for entering!
<333
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Wonderful use of imagery and expression here. This is very well written, with vibrant edges displayed from darkness. Thank you so much for your entry & Best wishes in the contest!
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definitely thought provoking and more so with each read.
i liked the use of the word 'warning'. it gave your poem a more ominous meaning... to me anyway
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Beautiful.
Just beautiful
I've read this three times.
Your words left a hunger fo more in me, yet they manage to say everything there is to say.
Great piece. -
I like it!!!!! It really flows. I like how you made the poem into that kind of shape. I know I should be commenting on your poetry but I was hoping you could help me with something. I am hoping to make my first contest and I need more points. I am trying to get ten people to donate ten points and I was hoping you would be one of those ten. Ten points is all I ask and you dont have to give them if you dont want. Sorry for taking your time and posting this. But I really am impressed with the poem!! Good luck in the contest!!
~sugar~
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im jealous of how u write...so well planned so much depth great write im jealous lol
good luck in ur contest -
This is great! I love the wording and the...I don't know, but I love it! I love the first stanza(or would it be considered the second) that starts with 'Whilst falling into'. this poem is amazing and deep and...I don't know, but it's amazing!
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The flow is great. Everything flows nicely. Good luck in the contest. (:
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Mostly it in is not easy to express all what you have done here with only 50 words. A lot of poetical strength is here, deep, somehow abstract but nice.
~Sonja~
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this has a little darkness about it i like this i think the idea is you have just found out that the person you love may just be hidding a secret hence the title splash as in a suden relisation, any way enough my assumptions, this is great loved it.
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I love the SHAPE of the verses...so novel. The poem has a lovely flow even though it is abstract. My only question would be why it is entitled 'Splash'.
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