You hide yourself
I hide myself
I look for you
But I never find what I am looking for
It seems like you appear by suprise
I search and search
But I find nothing
You always suprise me in the beginning
But in the end
You break my heart
I wish you never liked me
So I never liked you
And I wouldn't be so sad
Could you please leave my mind
and never come back?
Author notes
this is true,hope u like it,and plese give me a thoughtful comment and tell me what parts u like and what parts u dislike.
A contest entry
- [Come Undone] by whiterabbit..
450 points, ended August 27, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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nice work. i like your last two lines - very clever.
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i liked the use of the question and the kinda turmoil you showed we can feel through love, be it any kind of love. It was simple and well written.
great poem
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I like this. It comes from the heart and anything that truly means something to the person writing it is incrdible I think.
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I really like this. I can feel the hurt in it. I have felt this way too. GOOD JO
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this is from ur heart i loved it.
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good job
Excellent work. Though put into simple words, you can get your meaning. It flows very well. I know how you feel in this one, been there done that. It sux. awesome job though
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i like the whole thing....ur boy crazy lol...it is boys right? j/k
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I like the depth you put in this piece. So filled with truths that are everyday life for some people. I have to say I don't have experience in such a situation, but I've read a lot and done a lot of reserach in my life. This gave me a good thought of what this particular feeling is like and I like that.
In all the beauty this poem holds, there are a few things that bothered me... For example the usage of "u" in stead of "you". I don't like that even in chatrooms so it bothered me a bit... Other than that there were bits and pieces that could need some work but nothing completely major.
Good work with this one!
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This has absolutely nothing to do with the subject of this contest.
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I love this poem so much. I liked the following lines:
U always suprise me in the beginning
But in the end
You break my heart
I wish u never liked me
So I never liked you
I can relate to this so much. strong emotions through out the poem. very strong ending. Great job, keep up the good work. look forward to reading more of your work.
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I like this. Some improvements that you could do would be to change all of the u's to you, also some of the tenses are off, but overall this is a good write. Keep it up.
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i like the beggining,but the last part is .... i don't know weirdish I'm not sure
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nice...very good job.I hope u r okay and u will get through this.
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