You hide yourself
I hide myself
I look for you
But I never find what I am looking for
It seems like you appear by suprise
I search and search
But I find nothing
You always suprise me in the beginning
But in the end
You break my heart
I wish you never liked me
So I never liked you
And I wouldn't be so sad
Could you please leave my mind
and never come back?
Author notes
this is true,hope u like it,and plese give me a thoughtful comment and tell me what parts u like and what parts u dislike.
A contest entry
- [Come Undone] by whiterabbit--x.
450 points, ended August 27, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
this is from ur heart i loved it.
-
good job
Excellent work. Though put into simple words, you can get your meaning. It flows very well. I know how you feel in this one, been there done that. It sux. awesome job though
-
i like the whole thing....ur boy crazy lol...it is boys right? j/k
-
I like the depth you put in this piece. So filled with truths that are everyday life for some people. I have to say I don't have experience in such a situation, but I've read a lot and done a lot of reserach in my life. This gave me a good thought of what this particular feeling is like and I like that.
In all the beauty this poem holds, there are a few things that bothered me... For example the usage of "u" in stead of "you". I don't like that even in chatrooms so it bothered me a bit... Other than that there were bits and pieces that could need some work but nothing completely major.
Good work with this one!
-
This has absolutely nothing to do with the subject of this contest.
-
I love this poem so much. I liked the following lines:
U always suprise me in the beginning
But in the end
You break my heart
I wish u never liked me
So I never liked you
I can relate to this so much. strong emotions through out the poem. very strong ending. Great job, keep up the good work. look forward to reading more of your work.
-
I like this. Some improvements that you could do would be to change all of the u's to you, also some of the tenses are off, but overall this is a good write. Keep it up.
-
i like the beggining,but the last part is .... i don't know weirdish I'm not sure
-
-
?
-
-
nice...very good job.I hope u r okay and u will get through this.
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
