Its giant tread
evokes wrath and fear,
it devours
body, soul and spirit.
Fateful ones enter into war
with sad terror of hopeless ending.
With cunning slyness of harboured strength,
it takes all and never loses wins.
The future -
bleak with emptiness
growing untill death's waring end.
Author notes
HIV/Aids is a pandemic - educators are going to be confronted with more and more HIV-positive children in their classrooms, as well as situations where they themselves or their colleagues might become ill {National Department of Health, South Africa)
In a list
A contest entry
- Something real! (no dramma) by MissyAnn.
600 points, ended August 19, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HIV and AIDs- lets make some noise! by Fairies on Fire.
750 points, ended October 12, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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How true these words, thought provoking piece I like itx
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Excerpt & Commentation
'Fateful ones enter into war
with sad terror of hopeless ending.
With cunning slyness of harboured strength,
it takes all and never loses wins.'
I believe if you were to rearrange a wording or two, the powered emphasis would really pop out more. Such as:
Fateful one enter into war
with sadden terror of helplessness (or hopelessness)
ending; cunning slyness within
harbored strength, for it takes all
and never lost wins
But overall, the message is still coming through to all who reads this piece. keep penning
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Dear B Chandler, I always stand in wonder when someone comments on one of my poems. Thank you for taking time, as well as the much appreciated suggestion. I will for now leave as is, and then when I have time, I will take up your suggestion, as I agree full-heartedly with it. Frans.
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Fra,
You've expressed a sorrowful subject so bluntly, this is the only way i think one can the message out there about this killer.
Again you made a great impact with your words, i like that!
great write.
Slan Dolores x
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Lady Ireland
Thank you for taking to comment. I appreciate this very much. My wife is a missionary - working among the South African township children - its sad to see how many children have taken over the parent roles, especially when both have died. Frans.
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Great write! I like that you chose to write a poem relating to HIV/Aids. Love the metaphors and imagery! good luck!
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Thank you - your comments are appreciated. In my country many are suffering from this dreaded disease, and it is especially the children that are left to fend for themselves after the passing of their parents.
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