white envy

sisters in flesh, alternate in veiled vigils -
       one watching for signs of life
                                            [ of wife to wife ]
             while other sleeps within
             her social margin;

while whalebone & lace, tools that once pressed curve
into feminine lines [ defined by men ]

is taken in defiance - to play at being a perfect bride,
[ but not to wilt for the other side] & bury man beneath
dead dreams of white & envy ...

In a list

Gold Shiny Things • next in list

A contest entry

Picture Inspired *10 entries only* *caution boobies beyond this link* by Naridill. 300 points, ended August 15, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
NakedHeart
September 11, 2007
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Nice picture. Great write.
Naridill
August 15, 2007

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Definitely agreeing with Friday, simply awesome play on words and the way you set it out, the flow and everything just fits perfectly.
Thankies for entering.
Much luck.
Yvette Champ
August 14, 2007

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Excellent usage of language,alliteration,description and thought provoking.Liked sisters in flesh and especially liked "sleeps within her social margin"
Virgoan
August 14, 2007

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This is really intiguing and precise. I like the figurative lines you have given.

Best of luck in the contest

>>>VIRGOAN
Exodus
August 14, 2007

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Gobsmacked
I love the way you use alliteration, it's subtle but not invisible. As for the poem itself, I don't think there's anything critical I could ever dream of saying. If you haven't already I would suggest you seriously consider getting your work published.