each step is raging on me like the depths of dreams
a nightmare gone wrong
one that ends in relief
but i wish that each thought was as easy
as this lack of dreaming i have with you
the curtins to my soul dip down slowly but steady
i wish to allow this drifting, seeking music to shame my soul
into submission, but im lost, some how drifting away
and i wish that i each day was this hard
maybe like this struggle with you
so i could tire my limbs enough to breath deeply
slow down my beating heart and rest
lay down my head to await the sun
how i wish that each night was this simple
as this decision to let you go
you gave me insomniatic love
it kept me wide awake and drained me
held me up and maimed me
and how i wish each dream was this comforting
as this is to decide to be rid of you
A contest entry
- Insomnia by Danna Hobart.
300 points, ended September 2, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Such a sad poem. I remember breaking up with someone once, and I did not sleep for nine days afterward. I only recently learned that lack of sleep can kill you, and the longest anybody has ever lived without sleep is ten days, so I was close to dying!
Seems silly now that I wasted so many tears on someone who did not deserve them. Thank you for entering.
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I really like the contrasts and twists you have drawn in this poem, Jalisa...Even from the first stanza's nightmare relief. The poem as a whole reads and feels much like the twists and turns of a sleepless night, and fits in with the contest theme of "insomnia" very well.
In the next-to-last stanza, I think you probably mean "maimed" instead of "maned," and overall a good poem and best wishes to you in the contest!
Jo
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awww!
thank you jo! and sorry i havent had the time to catch up with you...it will come in due time...i promise
~
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