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All I Ever Needed

All I ever wanted was a hand to hold me down
To keep the winters from swallowing me up
And all I ever needed was someone to come around
To tell me that I’ve suffered long enough

I wonder when ill see the stars again
I thought that they had faded long ago
I fear that I’m closer to the end
Going where they told me not to go

All I ever needed was someone to take me home
To keep me from the things I used to know
And now I’m falling short; please lead the way
I need someone to tell me how to grow

I dream of what its like out on the ledge
I’m living letting time just slip away
I cant get any closer to the edge
I’m going where they told me not to go

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • Ms. morrow
    December 2, 2007
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    Lusious, languid longing!

    I got a feeling of someone with arms outstretched in a desperate plea for salvation from loneliness. (ALL I EVER NEEDED WAS SOMEONE TO TAKE ME HOME) I see someone stranded between what was before and what might me. Wonderful poem. Ms. Morrow


  • neon nightmares
    September 14, 2007

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    'All I ever needed was someone to take me home
    To keep me from the things I used to know'

    i love those two lines. the whole poem is really good. sad in a way but good.
    nice work. keep it up.
    huggles
    xxxxx


  • JinSays gold member
    September 13, 2007

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    I dream of what its like out on the ledge
    I’m living letting time just slip away
    I cant get any closer to the edge
    I’m going where they told me not to go

    This is a fabulous little piece you have here. I loved everything you had to say in it. I can relate, very much, and I think others will too.
    I can tell you've worked on this awhile...good job on it,
    Always Love,
    Jin


  • broken-colours
    September 13, 2007

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    Very nice. I adore the imagery, of going somewhere unknown, venturing from the scenery you'd long past grown tired of... Love it. =]


  • kirbysman Moderators member
    August 15, 2007

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    GOOD JOB!

    A little bit of rhyming here that I know I'll love. Great progression of thoughts through this - thoughts are excellent. There's a good rhythm to it too generally speaking. A lot of pentameter and some 13 and 14 syllable lines too which I'm particularly partial to. Very much with a ballad sound and pattern too. I really like this one - would like it even better if those things were evened out. You just keep gettin' better Miss C!

1 - 5 of 5