I now have a subject and the maelstrom of thoughts and words become stalled. So much to say but no one listens. So much wrong but no one sees. So much hurt but no one cares. No one.
We are living in a world that is becoming beyond our control. Control. The key. Are your children ‘learning’? No. They are ‘told’. Education is in the form of indoctrination. There is no free thinking. These are our future leaders! who can’t compose their own speeches, never mind knowing what a ‘noun’, a ‘preposition’ or a ‘clause’ is, or the correct use of punctuation. How about the “Worlds’ Cup Soccer” advertised locally on big screen. I have yet to figure out the other ‘worlds’ that competed!
Are we at war with terrorists? I don’t thinks so, but we are media blasted that, YES, beware the terrorist! It’s contrived. Someone wanted to play ‘war’, so THE FEW with THE MOST stirred up the Middle East and caused a ‘problem’ by the manipulated detonations of 911, and, Oh Boy!!! We have a war! Notice where all these wars and famines take place? Not with the blue-eyed blond, white population, oh no. Third world populations. Closer to home, famine = poor, and who are they?? Natives; blacks. These ‘people’ are not part of the Plan.
Control the youth. Feed them drugs, another government backed enterprise. And you wonder why children are killing. They are unable to think for themselves, being programmed in school, by TV, video games, iPods, and phones and the like. Unable to amuse themselves, they are now the center of attention.
Author notes
Okay... having a word flow problem lately and hope this solves it! Some of the pieces in this contest inspired, both negative and positive. I am usually not good at 'prose' as I tend to ramble... terribly, or come to a 'hanging' end. If I have used the wrong words in this piece, I appologise as no disrespect is intended.
One other thing here, this page WILL NOT DISPLAY MY POEMS PROPERLY. It will not indent paragraphs, it will not give me backgrounds or a choice of fonts, so you will have to excuse what comes thru.
Please tell me what you think - constructively please!
Comments
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This really doesn't help me improve. Grammar? Tense? Pluralization? Mistakes? Where? How? The tone of your criticism needs something to be desired. -
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ok well i really don't believe in having to hold your hand to edit your own work and i assumed you knew what those words meant...and reading a few lines i could barely get through them, alot of fragmented sentences, a few spelling mistakes, the way this was in paragraph form just ruined the flow for me, I suppose it is my mistake to think that asking you to re-read your own work and edit it yourself was the right thing to do. I had no specifications for this contest, however i leave it up to the contestants to decide whether or not their work is coherent.
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ok here we go, your grammar was nightmarish, the tense, the pluralization, so many mistakes, there was something here, and i believe it's worthwhile, try going through this and re-editing
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