I dropped apples in Eden
& watched flowers burn
before my eyes
like ash clouded irony
billowing from temptation’s lair.
A boy sat alone
without any friends,
or leaves to dance with
in gentle winds;
life was dormant
like a deceased volcano,
lava seemed to be already
etched
upon his gravestone
& he stared back at me
wondering why he fell
for gravity,
while “mistakes” seemed so
irresistible,
but the phase was so
inevitable…
I couldn’t comprehend
why grains seeped
through holes
the way they did,
& why feelings of six feet deep
pushed against my skin
in quicksand catastrophe,
not seeing beyond the hourglass,
but rather my own reflection
staring back, haunting,
& torturing me-
the fissures in earth
were opening from satanic blades
cut across soiled surfaces;
lava licked the wound,
causing it to heal-
but for once,
I felt something besides
loneliness & disarray
from sulfuric-acid poisoning
my senses.
He sat alone
without any leaves
to pull him back
from breaking off
the branch-
dehydrated of happiness,
he shriveled & dried out,
watching a crunched leaf
fly with the wind
solo
in river reflections.
A contest entry
- Are You Worth Gold by Hadji Murad.
1500 points, ended September 14, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party ~ Closes In One Day by Namita.
300 points, ended October 1, 2007, 90 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite by Melissa Gayle.
400 points, ended September 23, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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The biblical allusions in this are terrific. Many of the things we go through today can either coinside or contradict the events of the bible. You captured that in this write. Nice Ty.
khourey
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A wonderful piece with deep emotion. You use interesting metaphors making your style fresh to read. You are very talented to be able to put these emotions into words with such great effect.
Great imagry in the ending with the dead leaf flying in the wind and seen in the river's reflections.
alby
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This was an amazing piece. I love your poetry. It is very thought provoking and it burns with an unseen passion. I am amazed that such spirited works come from such a young soul. You are wise and mature beyond your years. It is good to meet another young poet that actually has a talent and gift for poetry. You don't just jumble a load of rhyming words together. It has depth and meaning to it.
Much Love
Carrie
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Haha I second everything under me,
the imagery is freaking amazing/orgasmic/awesome/ whatever awesome adjectives there are, all tied in with a wonderful sense of just.. everything.
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I agree with Nate. This is gorgeous. And I am not qualified enough to comment further. Period.
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so many elements of descriptive imagery here..the exploration of self, time running out, growth..and the burning sensory questions asking why? thoughtful musings..presented with tenacity, depth and provocative insightfulness - nicely written!!
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Lots of great imagery and metaphor in this. Excellent.
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I'm in Awe!
This is fantastic work, I've never read anything quite like it. I guess that's a good thing huh? I read about your on your author's page and this is adult quality work. You have tremendous insight and imagery. Bravo!!
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I'm speechless.
Wow....
This is coming from somebody who reads
but rarely comments unless moved too.
*bookmarks*
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Lovely. Absolutely adore the first stanza.
I-Araxie-I
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You have totally outdone yourself on this one. This is so full of raw emotion and pain. Amazing.
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I want to applaud!
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WOW!
I remember reading your poetry long long back, when you were probably new to this site. And I must say, this poem and some of your other recent poetry reflect on how you have grown into a mature poet! It's wonderful - this transition!!
Do Keep Writing
Ankita -
wow
very beatiful! I especially love the first line...amazing!
pegleg -
and this goes into my special list of bookmarked poems!!
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wow
Wow... I would give this a double gold anytime!!
I loved every part of this. Each word, chosen so carefully, and consciously etched with emotion...
You shriveled my heart with this piece... it was like... you placed deliberate blisters here..
the way you grind the loneliness, the guilt, the ever-lasting temptation, a kind of strange penitence... it really hit me.
"lava licked the wound,
causing it to heal-"
that was a compelling statement..
the whole poem has so much depth and powerful images.
i really admire your writes!
and i do hope you forgive yourself.
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You have rendered me totally speechless. I am unable to comment on this poem further.
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