He thinks that I closed my eyes to fight off the emotion of it all;
That I buried myself in our workings; that I was afraid to let go.
He assumes that my soul windows were drawn closed to imprison my newly wakened Id
That I hid myself behind blue veined shutters, erecting a divider for her,
That I tried to keep something back for myself, even while giving everything else away.
It was during those breathless moments that I knew I could not hide,
During the night music, when he imagined he touched my heart,
Thought that I was so eager for anything to absorb, to connect within
That I was molded into something that I did not want,
Modeled into something I did not need
When the anticipations of the end were a high art of unhonest touches,
Unheeded overtones, unanswered longing, unwarranted responsibility.
In twisted sheets; sweat dampened, promised filled, were the times I could not fake
When the next moan covered the other shoe dropping,
Flattered in a way that would make my heart shatter
The moments when I could not pretend to be repentant,
Moments when I could not pretend to be submissive
The knowledge that plagued us in the darkened seconds of coming together
Knowing what I knew; that he knew, that he did not know that I knew.
It was those ticks and tocks where I had no barriers
Where I laid open to his dissecting gaze, as we lay
He searched for something that he decided that I must possess
A piece of my inner self that I could not expose
A part of my inner self that I could not enjoy
His disappointment in me was reflected in his disappointment of our likeness
Twins of thought, yin-yang of behavior, linear lines of speech
He thinks that I trapped myself in turmoil of selfish selflessness
That I was constantly inconsistent to loving myself; that I never saw me
He thinks he knows me, because we are paralleled in almost every cause
He sees me as a darkened mirror of himself, closed off and rigid to change
He thinks I closed my eyes to keep me in,
When actually I closed them to keep him out
Author notes
They say the eyes are the window to the soul-how could you blame a person for not wanting to let so much escape, or too much to enter?
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