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- Silver Dream

Missing image


Silver Dream


I watch her reflection
in the silvery mirror
as she tries to pass.
She looks long and hard,
not at all like the little girl
she pretends and wishes
that she once was.

And she twirls, brightly
slightly, lightly,  
upon the ball of one foot;
a ballerina in her mind,
like the porcelain one,
cracked, motionless,
up on the dusty shelf.

Both are frozen in place;
it, by form and function
her, by societal norms.
Neither will go dancing
in the bright light of day,
by the light of the dream.

So she scrubs her face raw
with her hair and her tears;
removing all traces, erases
the palette, the illusion,
and pretends to be normal,
living within the sterile walls
of an ordinary life.



         ~r.


                 All rights reserved,
             © Aug, 2007 R. Braley
                 (astralshepherd)

Author notes

originally written April 28th, 2005 re-written with revisions, August 13, 2007.

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • CherryOnTop
    October 18, 2007

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    emotionial

    This reminds me so much of my mom and she passed in Feb. She was so vein yet so humble.your poem made me flash back and see images of her in the mirror. My sister has breast cancer and my husband died with melonoma. My dad died with stomach cancer. God only helps us to make it in theses times.Wonderful and Heartfelt.


  • EvilKate
    September 7, 2007

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    You've nailed this very well. Succinct language skills and a paucity of flow that rolls the eye onward with subtle ease. The dabs of internal rhyme aid this well. I know how 'reflection' and 'mirror' are obvious words for this - I've used the same often myself and it works well. However, if you could come up will more nuanced references, I think it would raise the bar even higher (not easy given how high it already is). Perhaps a reference to a "shining twin" - even shift the perspective a little, have them watching each other? - just small suggestions that came to mind. It might be too complex on reflection (do pardon the poor pun) and disrupt the effortless flow. Would certainly take some work to graft well.

    Overall - wonderfully done dear heart


    • astralshepherd gold member
      September 7, 2007
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      you bring up a valid point and the shining twin has always been an echo image so very illusive when it comes to written expression, this is as close as i've been able to come so far and the idea of both watching each other is truly imaginative and so very true to the experience…( mine at least ) in the process of discovery there is the inner dialogue, i think, where at several points one wonders which is the real, primary self. So much shadow in reflections as well, thank you for the prompts, i will work on them.

      ~r.


  • Rusty Nail
    August 23, 2007

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    I want to write like you when I grow up. This is very moving. You make writing poetry look so effortless. I envy you your talent.


    • astralshepherd gold member
      August 23, 2007
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      when you write "i want to write like you when i grow up' i have to laugh. honestly i am still trying to grow up. I'll be fifty nine in a few weeks and i am trying to grow up before i grow really old...the writing part you have down pretty well from i've read of your work - i'd really enjoy seeing more from you, if you have the time.

      thanks for your lovely comment,

      blessings and best wishes,

      ~r.


  • Whoochi gold member
    August 17, 2007

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    Scrubbing my face too with tears...I love broken cracked porcelain dolls...I know this comes from your heart and soul..and I love you even more because and for it...you tug at my heart and I miss you more than you know..... *heart*


  • ellipsist
    August 16, 2007

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    beautifully and realistically

    expressed... emotions and imagery both intense easy to identify with...

    a poignant write... very touching!


  • poet2angels gold member
    August 14, 2007

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    Excellent poetry

    This is so amazing...
    Wow...What a pleasure it is to read something so brilliant....
    In awe of your talent...

    Lynda


  • rhondasail
    August 13, 2007

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    ...My breath, again, taken away by the precise writing here, Shepherd...you have seen inside the life of another as though you truly are a mirror, a nonjudgemental entity that gives back all it receives, even the parts we don't like to see...The phrases: "both are frozen in place", "she removes the illusion...and pretends to be normal" are numbing with their clarity...one wonders how many live this illusionary life and never know the true joy of freedom...I can feel this one like none other you have written Shepherd, and I thank you for sharing it...peace to yuu, now and always, Rhonda

1 - 9 of 9