The sun trembled over the horizon,
daring to defy night.
You held my hand
with fingernails curled into my palm.
"We'll always be together," you swore,
With all the promise of spring
choking through the moment.
The urgency in your voice
reminded me a little of Icarus
desperately crafting his wings
Winter came
as sure as the sun must set;
storming through our lives
with her frosty breaths of misery.
I screamed into blank expressions,
to the heart that she had frozen still, stopped beating
and claimed for her own.
Seconds pass.
Minutes, hours, days, months and years.
Time passes and I am left.
An echo of the past
facing the sun dipping into inky darkness
alone.
Author notes
http://allpoetry.com/poem/940458
My comment on the above poem:
Nikki, you never fail to astound me. Your words are like velvet, stroking the mind with thick imagery and emotion. I love the flow of this, the repitition of words from one line to the next so that it has some sense of continuity and ebbs and flows as naturally as the tides.
A heart-shattering piece.
~Faded
Inspiration drawn from the poem commented on:
Content (events) and sense of time.
Info on Icarus:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icarus
A contest entry
- Original Comment by seraphim shock.
1225 points, ended August 16, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Need to tighten this... what can I cut out? What should I work on?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Great
I love the sun...don't you?
Without it none of us would be here because no life can exist without Photosynthesis on this planet. The conversion of ultra violet light, emitted from a star into a chemical form, that can create life forms.
In ancient Mesopotamia of the Middle East of thousands of years ago, the people once exported this message all over the world through their northern Phoenician navy. The culture of these ancient days predates Christianity, Islam, the Hebrew faith, and pagan Brahmanism.
AS our planet now carries on forward to drying up and being burn't out, through global warming, did anybody really listen to the earlist known historical religious message in terms of what the original people of the Middle East, and later on North African colonies as well, were really trying to say?
Never mind maybe there is another planet to move to some day maybe somewhere...??? Or maybe not!!?
Andrew Siddle
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Indra/Indara Sidi/Siddhe
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WOW. Love the Icharus reference... it was very smooth and perfect in its usage. The poem as a whole was astounding... i love the imagery, emotion ("I screamed into blank expression"). An amazing write.
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I enjoyed the flow of this poem... The lilting, smooth progression and usage of metaphor... You didn't overexplain, either... It pleases me to see that you have the confidence to be ambiguous and trust that your conveyance is effective... A very good write, and an even better read...
Keep writing... -
Original poem love the reference to icarus. Your poem feels ingaged in worthwhile pursuit such as love with some flourishing spiritual well-being. Nothing can express the beauty of love nor liberate it except love alone
which is rarely left to itself.
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The first line is powerful and mind drawing and the rest of the poem is nothing less than that. Weather metaphors are unbelievably powerful and you use them to great effect
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