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Thirteen Swings

Thirteen swings; the pendulum blade
Blistering stings the irons made
Razor steel; encroaches my face
And rats squeal, infesting this place

Ear piercing rings never to fade
Thirteen swings; the pendulum blade
Condemned as a whore, pending gloom
Chained to the floor, a cold dark room

Gnawing pains and I clench my fists
Iron chains, dig into my wrists
Thirteen swings; the pendulum blade
On Satan’s wings, price to be paid

Panic sets in, next swinging stroke
The demons grin at Satan’s joke
Demented kings;  I’m so afraid
Thirteen swings; the pendulum blade

 

 

 

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Author notes

Quatern with an internal rhyme

Quatern
A Quatern is a sixteen line French form composed of four quatrains. It has a refrain that is in a different place in each quatrain. The first line of stanza one is the second line of stanza two, third line of stanza three, and fourth line of stanza four. A quatern has eight syllables per line. It does not have to be iambic or follow a set rhyme
scheme.
S1 refrain is L1
S2 refrain is L2
S3 refrain is L3
S4 refrain is L4

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Comments

1 - 55 of 55

  • Paloszoo gold member
    2 hours ago
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    Oh my, this is quite the brilliant dark read, dear Amera. I so love your work. Such imagery and chill throughout. Thanks for entering my contest and showing your work here. It's an honor to read it


  • Haygood gold member
    2 days ago
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    What an incredible poem!

    I loved the form, the repetition, and the feel of the poem. You put me in the setting. Not a bad line in it.

  • LovingPhoenix
    2 days ago
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    Excellent write!


  • J.u.n.k.i.e
    2 days ago
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    Very dark and creative! This poem was a joy to read. Good luck in the contest.


  • PhantomsAngel87 Greeters member
    July 1
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    Thank You for Your Entry ~

    I like how you included an internal rhyme with this Clever trick that adds to the shocking imagery that hits out with it's darkness

    Best of Luck
    ♥
    Stay safe
    ~Manda

  • darkyinsoul
    April 15

    Edit | Reply
    You balance the darkness well to your light. I loved this tis a favorite. Loved the pendulum blade. Penned well. Thanks for your dark share.
    Aleshia


  • lovingpoet
    March 24
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    very good write a very good poet thank you for entering the contest

  • Electric Sunrise Moderators member
    March 20

    Edit | Reply
    I'm extremely fond of this actually, i'm not a good critic, but i knows what i likes, and i likes this


  • Short but cute
    March 11
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    Very Very interesting read. I can hear the blade now. Beautiful scary.


  • Tirrell
    January 26

    Edit | Reply
    Ahh beautiful, I feel that I have read this one before, this is aluring and beautiful, and I can see the dark imagery, ahh yes, this adds coal to the fire of my imagination and heats up my mind. Beautiful form as well!!!


  • Swan song gold member
    December 24, 2008
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    skillfully done infact beautifully written I read this out loud and thought oh my awesome!!!!!

  • klassy lassy gold member
    December 3, 2008

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    ...hmmm.... now I'm wistful. Form poetry and so well done! I chose this one as a first of yours to read because I like rhymng poetry a lot, if it comes together without sounding trite, and this one has internal rhyme, and repeat rhyme, too!

    In addition, your dark write left me shivering. Chilling, indeed!

    Congratulations on the gold.

    My friend is right. You make this look easy. He said to tell you, "Joe, sent me. "

    Happy Birthday, Amera ~Karen


    • Amera gold member
      December 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the wonderful comment!
      Joe is a real sweetheart.
      Thanks again

  • Victory Gin
    November 12, 2008

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    I wrote one of these once a long, long time ago and its really not worth mentioning. I like your refrain. Reminds me of a pirate song almost. As a fan of Poe I dug this.

  • Ellis gold member
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Whoever wrote this is confused. Ellis

    I am so glad I am a cat
    I'll kill those rats who are squealing
    The reason why I will do that
    Is cause my pet finds you appealing

    Ellis is a human being
    Sees your never ending dance
    Loves so much what he is seeing
    He's overcome with romance

    So I'll get you off the floor
    And kill those rats, every one
    What a life you've got iin store
    With my pet when I am done

    Tiki Cat
    Buy Tiki's Gourmet Cat Food
    "Too Good For Humans"


  • Kappa Pyua
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like reading this one. I could understand what it's talking about and the flow was nice. Thx for sharing this example. Hope I do you justice, lol.


  • Exit-Stage-Right
    September 7, 2008

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    A cuttingly incisive poem which cleaves its way through the competition like a guillotine. Shear beauty in the form of a quatern. Congratulaions on top cups from Jeff & Micol!

  • Topnotchsy
    September 7, 2008

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    Wow, this is great, both the content and the structure. Congrats on the golds this piece has one, I imagine it will net more in the future.


  • NeonRose
    September 7, 2008

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    Absolutely chilling write. Loved it! Congratulations on your lovely gold trophy! Keep racking them up, my friend!


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    September 7, 2008

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    Oooo ... this I liked.

    Congratulations on a very well deserved gold.

    Love
    Sue


  • cricketjeff gold member
    September 7, 2008

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    Smart move to enter a poem based on one judges favourite story from a favourite author, smarter still to enter one that is quite so well written.
    It is no secret that neither judge is overly fond of these repeating forms but here the repetition is used to reinforce the sense of doom and foreboding. A chilling and haunting poem. A very worthy gold winner.

  • Judith Chandler
    August 15, 2008
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    I like the tightness of this form and IMO you've met the challenge.

    Well done.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    July 24, 2008

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    this is lovely
    and the flow was nice ..i really love the descriptions, and you picked a wonderful line to repeat it made your poem much stronger.
    take care, Stephanie ♥

  • Eusebius
    May 24, 2008

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    A most impressive and near hypnotic piece of poetry! I loved it, loved it.... bravo... bravo... bravo..


  • creationsfromheart silver member
    April 22, 2008

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    Now this is fantastic! This is brilliant in fact not a flaw it is most wonderful this is the best write I have read on AP with out a doubt brillinat!


  • Tarja
    February 5, 2008

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    Congrats on the gold. This was amazing (as usual) I just love the structure of this piece and of course it goes so well with the topic of the contest. Thank you so much for this flawless entry and good luck.

  • Never Fall in Love gold member
    January 19, 2008

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    Fantastic! One of my favourite things from you is your famous internal rhyme! You do it much better than a lot of the attempts that I've seen around allpoetry - probably even better than my rare ones! This, as you may have already guessed is excellent - the dark content and imagery is absolutely stunning and I wish my attempt at a quatern was somewhat as half as good at this - Form queen, you are!

    Never ♥

  • jcat gold member
    November 7, 2007

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    I really like the flow of this one and you managed great imagery as well!! I could just see him lying there sweating profusely as he awaits the swinging blade to finally reach his drawn out neck!!!

  • poeticweaver silver member
    September 16, 2007

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    Wow, another powerfully penned piece, you sure show how much talent you have, and how much you offer ap is amazing. Thanks for sharing you here. Congrates on the gold too

    Peace, Timothy aka poeticweaver~


  • micol
    August 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A moody, dark piece, with the complex form a perfect counterpoint to its emotions, accentuated by the shifting repetition of the central image. Well done.

  • Pisces Pieces
    August 25, 2007

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    I was looking through the contest, and was caught by the title. So the contest seems tough, but to compete against this brilliant writing would quite possibly be tougher!

    So, if you'd like to know, I had to read it twice to really catch a grasp, I think maybe the first time I was just so caught up in the perfect rhythm and rhyme, and the form. Then, when I read through the second time, I really got to appreciate the content. Your words and lines are so perfect and well put together, I could see it so clearly, amazing imagery-not just visual, as well you could feel every line in each sense to which it applies. With this, you can actually feel yourself there in this dungeon, this place, almost like you're watching it take place.

    Ok, well, I'm rambling now...sorry...I don't know what else to say, this is perfect.

    I'm glad to have read this, I learned of a new form, maybe I'll try sometime [soon]


  • Swan song gold member
    August 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this form but you did it with rhyme and the rhyme was more prevelent than anything. You are simply a genius and I am sticking my tongue out at you because I am so dam jelouse LOL!


  • purpledragonfly
    August 15, 2007
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    Wow !! wonderfully dark and magnificent!! Betsy


  • Desire gold member
    August 14, 2007

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    Oy!!


    This takes the reader right there~ can feel as if happening at the moment~Oy!!
    Powerfully penned and what fine form again You have brought forward!!
    Love this Sweet Soul
    when You mentioned rats
    that was it

    Many blessings to You in the contest
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • PoetsAngel gold member
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliantly dark! i adore dark poetry...your imagery and the element of suspense you build are second to none.


    Cathy
    ♥♥♥♥


  • Wind Walker silver member
    August 13, 2007

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    Marvelously Dark

    I can almost feel the blade and all the emotions that go with it - gives me chills and makes me check my cheek for blood - and I did check.
    Good Luck
    Poppi

  • maa gold member
    August 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    an incredible poem ...

    like an ancient voice that touched something deep inside of me, and made me feel the pain of all women who are not treated as the mothers and life-bearers who they are, as earth-goddesses, but dominated and abused by power-thirsty beings who lack love, gratitude and lucidity ...

    an amazing poem ...

    maa


  • RedAquarius gold member
    August 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The refrain line is very melodic and sets a nice counterpoint to the other lines, which flow fast and clipped, almost staccato rhythm. It works well for this dark piece, sets the pulse to racing!

  • LaVitaNuova1300
    August 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    to speak*


    • Amera gold member
      August 13, 2007
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      LOL, thanks for the great comments and applause.
  • LaVitaNuova1300
    August 13, 2007

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    Brava. Well metered and musical. Not harsh upon the ear and intriguing. I like how you never really develop an image to far, just tell it in a musical fashion and move on with it. You just set the imagery and the rhyme and rhythm is enough to speal.
  • HaleyMary
    August 13, 2007

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    Amazing write. Didn't know there was such a thing as a quatern. This was an amazing write and had a great flow and powerful imagery, too. Bravo and good luck in the contest.


  • sunny day silver member
    August 13, 2007

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    Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!

    This is an outstanding quatern you have penned and I love the internal rhyme that you added to it. Edgar Allen Poe would be jealous of this one. I am picturing The Pit and the Pendulum as I write these words for you now. You leave me in awe of each piece I read from you. This is just such a brilliant dark piece from you and it gave me a chill. It flows beautifully and your rhyming is superb as always, not forced at all. Love you my friend, Joyce


    • Amera gold member
      August 13, 2007
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      hehe... thank you Joyce. Yes, Pit and the Pendulum was the inspiration. I added the internal rhyme because the judge in this contest is tough. Just a simple verse wouldn't do for him; he's an English professor.

  • Twilight Panther Moderators member
    August 13, 2007

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    And so the pendulum swings~ The demons grin at Satan's joke~ not twelve but thirteen swings the pendulum blade...My Little Queen of Poetry


  • PerVirtuous
    August 13, 2007

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    What a powerful image in a masterfully completed form. The verbiage is very fluid and the feeling is remorseful as well as terrifying. Outstanding and should place in this contest.


  • Elvis B
    August 13, 2007

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    very nice, It make me feel fine

    soft fro me, and I like it. Sweet. Keep on Amera!
    break me sad soul, I hope that.

    Elvis B

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 13, 2007

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    What a cleverly done piece. Best of luck in the contest, Amera-chan.


  • JohnnyD gold member
    August 13, 2007

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    Wow Amera, this was like out of the pit and the pendulum, he, did you know Vincet Price was related to me? never met him but if you saw my dad, when he was alive, the similarity is very clear. but this write was really cool and creepy. Hey, i'd sneak in and rescuce ya.



    Dad


  • sunshinegirl
    August 13, 2007

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    Miss Form Queen at her best!! I still have noooo idea how you can write all these forms and not get them confused! This is amazing!! I love it!! The images are just WOW!!!

    Best of luck in this contest!!

    and much love

    Nyetta

  • Bob Fox
    August 13, 2007
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    Wow

    Nice and dark. Love the tyle & the drama. Excellent as always


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    August 13, 2007

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    I've seen this vision before, in a film that scared the living daylights out of me when I was young. This piece is stunning, brings back the memory, but this time, I see the picture clearer, an excellent write Niece, spot on as usual.


  • capricornpoet silver member
    August 13, 2007

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    dark and satiric

    Thirteen swings, good title, love the rhyme theme and the way it reads as a dark rhyme , like skipping a rope..inspires riddles and rhymes.

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