His body rots with guile
His fingers are like slimy snakes
That slither through your hair with pride
Above the earth that quakes
He's cunning and he's furtive
And he'll promise not to lie
He'll take you through deception
With no reason as to why
Narcissistic King of slyness
Who will never make amends
He's seeping with charisma
And he cheats on all his friends
He never had been caring
Until he tried displaying love
But it was just bad acting
That I fell for every minute of
Author notes
August 12, 2007... This is about my ex... the guy is a charismatic bastard who uses people... He claimed to be my friend when in reality he was with another girl... he stole my innocence and ran with it...
Option four: Emtions. Write about an emotion. You know Sad,Happy, Bored, Funny. Any of those. Yes theres more you can pick just not those ones!
My emotion is pissed off.
4 you hate him so much now 4 breaking your heart
A contest entry
- Angry and you need to let it out? Come here! by x Simply x Me x.
900 points, ended August 17, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options!! 5 Options!! by PrincessOfLostHope.
500 points, ended August 15, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - do u really care by trace3grls.
475 points, ended August 15, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Party ~ Closes In One Day by Namita.
300 points, ended October 1, 2007, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - i wrote this for a boy that never loved me.... by autumns rising.
1200 points, ended January 18, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Him that I love, I wish to be Free- Even from me... by Lily Skie.
700 points, ended January 23, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enemies With Friendly Faces by Dead Hair.
525 points, ended April 21, 36 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I'm pissed off for you! Sure, it's quite easy to get me to feel empathy, but the rage is boiling inside my gut like I've been personally offended.
Some people just deserve to rot.
Your words portray this self-righteous man in an anger-inspiring way. Those words are chosen well and flow beautifully. Well done!
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I really like the way you've expressed your anger towards someone who hurt you in this piece. It's very well written. I honestly can't think of any way good enough to describe it. It's just awesome. Thank you for your entry and good luck in my contest. ^_^
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Very good
I like the rhythm and flow and the rhyme pattern. You always manage to capture a strong emotional state yet you write in an intelligent and deliberate way. This poem also has a nice build up of emotion and a satisfying resolve.
My only suggestion would be to remove the word "That" in the last line. It acts too much like a stop sign that disrupts the flow.
He never had been caring
Until he tried displaying love
But it was just bad acting
I fell for every minute of
What do you think? Does that flow a little smoother?
Anyway, I like this poem. In a perfect world that guys name would be Dick. "Hi, my name's Dick, but you can call me . . . DICK."
You describe a perfect example of what is known as "Phallic Narcissism." This is a man who is very much in love with himself, (never met a mirror he didn't love) talks a sweet line, puts you on a pedistal, but then grows bored, starts degrading you, and then moves on to the next conquest. Oh, but these guys can sound good, they know just what you want to hear. The sad thing is, at first, they really fantasize that you are the perfect mate, that first blush of infatuation makes them fall deeply in love. And then, the infatuation starts to fade, they realize you're a real human being who has real emotions and that they have to contribute something to a real relationship. But, they got nothing to contribute. Deep down they are pretty hollow and they wouldn't know what to do with a genuine emotion. In fact, at some level, they are fearfully insecure and have deep seated feelings of worthlessness. They deal with them by projecting them on you and making you the bad guy. Sadly, this may play on your insecurities, you may believe him when he says it's all your fault and you come away feeling pretty shitty. In the meantime he is off with his femme du joir and you're left trying to clean up his mess.
Perhaps I've rambled on a bit. But, I certainly find your poetry thought provoking.
CaliOkie
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WOAHH that's a long comment! Thank you very much for your input and advise!
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Yeah. That sucks when that happens. I've been cheated on before and sometimes I feel like with another guy I may be cheated on again. But if the person your with shows you so much love, care, and attention and it's not fake then you know that you can trust that person. You know? But I think almost everyone goes through this once. Well, this was a cool poem.
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Sad poem. I'm very sorry for you. Great write filled with emotion.
Luv,
Candy
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i like "his body rots with guile." the diction in here is good- "narcisistic, furtive, guile"
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Amazing. Perfect rhyme scheme, and deeply felt emotion. Great wording also!!
<3BD9
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great write well done...
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great write
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Great. I really like this poem. Its very deep. I like this part:His body rots with guile
His fingers are like slimy snakes
That slither through your hair with pride
Above the earth that quakes
Good Job!
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I love this! I especially love the first stanza! great job and thank you much for entering!
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