Gray clouds boiled in the sky
spilling regret like a witch’s brew
and overflowing fermented mistakes.
[ Another of it's tricks ]
From the deck I watched the ocean
as it wrestled with the wind
in a tug-of-war over whom
was the strongest warrior.
With each strike of wave
against my tiny vessel
I reeled from the shock of all
we had once been
now washed away.
And when the thunder broke
into my eggshell thoughts
I thought of just how like we were
the wind, the rain, and sea
that sinks a golden treasure
leaving both of us in an abyss
to be found by a lucky other
[ I'm not sure it's even lucky ]
The roaring of the sky's
lamentation tossed me out
of my thoughts and
zapped me back to
reality
where I'm still stranded
on a sinking boat.
Along with the wind and ocean,
thunderclaps participated
in the battle,
creating a havoc
that can destroy
everything that steps in their way.
[ Remember?
I joined you in all wars ]
But when the storm is cleared
and each element is fed up
of the struggles,
they all go a different direction
each one treading on his own path
carefully avoiding, not to meet again
or else.
I guess we followed the same pattern.
Joining solely for an exciting ride
just to fall apart in the end
but that is not always known.
It could have lasted
but didn't [ fortunately ]
Atleast we were natural
even if it was a disaster
And so after I watched the parade,
the storm cleared,
separating everything.
The wind stopped howling,
the waves ceased to attack,
and the thunder dissappeared
[ Same way that you did ]
Author notes
Task: to pen a freeverse (non-rhyming poem) on the subject of nature. Be original with this and I am looking for powerful imagery this time.
By: Never Fall in Luv && trista
The poem was formed based with a metaphor that compares a thunderstorm to a relationship. [ His love was a storm either way ]
In a list
A contest entry
- Partner ^ Collaborations Only (( Adults Only I Don't Baby Sit )) by theredcatjazzoflove.
1100 points, ended April 15, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I especially like the imagery of the sky in this. Also like very much the metaphor, "eggshell of thoughts"!
Thanks for entering!
Best wishes, BookGirl -
I'm delightfully surprised. Though I've read maybe 10 poems in this contest about the sea, this one actually sounded original, good job. It makes me think and I think we've all been in that boat. Good luck -living
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Oh, the picture such a visual mentality to the poem. So clear and concise.
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thanks
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As I read this through the first time I found nothing to edit in this piece. It is Brilliant! I Especially like the thoughtlike notes within the poem, it added a lot to the meat of the write. I read this through a second time and again found nothing to edit. The Metaphoric phrases added a ton of imagry and I could relate with every word. Not a word was wasted in my mind. I loved it, Great Job and Good Luck in my contest.
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As it is a Collab, I won't leave in finalists. But this is awesome, for the amazing race? I am kind glad that bummed out for now, gives me a chance to get better, lol, I never would've beaten this
Thanks for entering and much luck
~~~~!
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I take it out and put something else?
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.appluad
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Wow I really love the strong, passionate feeling behind here and the very creative, growing and strong storyline. Excellent imagery used to portray a mood too. Great work again
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i love this poem this was a very passionate pen you had here i must honestly say that i never read this before but i liked it a whole lot thanks for sharing
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wow...it`s awesom
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I love this!!! The reality of this just leeked out. The way you wrote the poems seems as a story but even better. The imegery was amazing!!!
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You both did a great job on this one, love the imagrey and metaphor, great write, best of luck in the contest
~Dark
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Wow what a wonderful penning with great imagery and a wonderful metaphor. You did a great job here. Best of luck...Scott
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