A cruise of love, a cruise to renew our marriage vows.
The suite way gorgeous, flowers every where.
The atmosphere simply took my breath away.
Twenty years of heavenly bliss, a love from a fairy tale book.
His smile still enchanted my heart, his eyes consumed my eternal soul.
The love, the sparks, the chemistry was still there, even after so many years.
We danced and had a dinner fit for a King and Queen.
As our champagne glasses over filled with the bubble of joy.
We were both hypnotized with each others eyes.
After dinner we went on the deck to enjoy the bright filled moon.
In his arms I was weightless, like a feather in the air.
No words were needed to express the love for each other.
He lifted me in his arms and carried me to our cabin below.
His touch and his lips awakened my youth of twenty years ago.
So tender so passionately as we made love over and over again.
Was this real? Or did I go back into time, reliving our first encounter of love.
Morning fell upon us, as we cuddled in each others arms.
My contentment gave way, slumbering my body into a deep pleasurable sleep.
As I awoke, I laid alone embracing the pillow at my side.
I arouse from the bed calling my beloved one’s name.
No responds heard, as the silence fills the room with worries.
I throw on a robe and raced to the deck.
As my eyes were trying to take in all the view of the deck.
Hours went by and he had not returned.
I informed the Captain, and the search began, deck by deck.
Room by room no one had seen him since last night.
Two days of anguish as my heart blackened with despair.
As we arrived back at the port, I departed alone.
A Cruise of Love turned into the nightmare of my life.
I lost my love, my heart and my eternal soul.
Two years since the sea took him away, Two years of profound tears.
Every month I go to that port, waiting to hear his voice amongst the breeze
Or his cries for help as his arms stretch to reach mine.
My twenty years of eternal bliss, washed away by the ocean waves.
Leaving my life with solitude, my heart uninhabited for ever.
Author notes
Prompt; Lost Love
In a list
A contest entry
- Quickie PIF (10p x ?? m x ?? w) by Riftkin.
600 points, ended August 11, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Aww
This is a really romantic and heartfelt poem...so sad and sweet, yet you managed to express this common heartbreak feeling without cliche. It looks like an awful lot to read but I couldn't take m eyes off it. Beautiful...simply stunning. And congrats on the gold
Keep writing thanks for sharing
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hey i like your poem and i'm hosting a contest for a friend of mine because she has never had a poem was written about her and i was wondering if you would enter because atm i have one entry
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romantically fantastic
eloquent indeed.
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This has the potential to be brilliant. I would reccomend that you have someone, a friend or someone, review and edit it because there are many grammar errors that take away from the poem. But once you get a proof-read final copy, then it could really go far. I'm sorry for your terrible loss, and good luck to you and your poetry!
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did this happen? if yes, then i dont have the faintest idea how to tell you how so sorry i am. -eleno
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This was a great piece. I can really feel your pain. You painted a very vivid picture with your words. Every line just pushed me on to the next.
All and all a very enjoyable poem
Well done.
Keep up the good work. -
Good heavens, my heart went overboard as well! The emptiness of a lost love well depicted. Especially the one that was there and the next moment gone ...
The Titanic can take a nap on this one.
In conclusion:
Good write! Congratulations on the gold well deserved.
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9pts...
Thank you for this contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list, and congrats on the gold
~Lilac
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I love the story told within your words, it was full of urgency and emotion but i was very distracted while reading this. please don't take offense, what i am saying is only being said as trying to help. i run into this so much and make the same suggestion to many people so you may take it or leave it as it is only a suggestion dear
you started every line in this with a capital letter and ended every line with a period. that just made this so hard to flow smoothly. if you would consider the line breaks a little differently, it would read so much better as it is a wonderful write. if you would like, i could give you a version of this to read with the lines reading more smoothly and i do this only to help your writing not as a negative to you because i have read a lot of your writing and i like it but i think with some tweaking, it could be brilliant
congrats on the goldie 
be well and be blessed
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I do not take it as negative I really love when some one helps me I love to write but am not that good with commas or period ect. Thank you for the read and for the honest comments. I would like that review very much
LISA
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Awww, I am so sorry for your loss. This was such a romantic story. It sounds like such a romantic story.
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Excellent story of love and love lost! This is so well written, it is engaging from the beginning to the very end. Well done my bandit Sister!
Congrats on thr Gold trophy!
Dennis
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Such a sad story told in these lines - not a pleasant tale to tell. A nice gold trophy says all there is about how well this did in the contest. Have never taken a cruise, but this would be the worst that could happen on such a trip. Do think you mean vows too.
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Great story, great write. You succeeded to keep the reader's attention to the very (sad) end.
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I think you meant 'vows' instead of 'vowels'... and also, you have 'I through on a robe' instead of 'throw'... There seem to be a few mistakes like this and I think you may like to go over your grammar... but apart from that, this is a heart breaking poem and the storyline is well developed...
Keep writing
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did you mean marriage vows? you have vowels in there and I think you might want to change that. All in all it was an interesting narrative. Reminds me of the news...and people that go missing on cruises.
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Thank you for the read and yes its vows thanks again LISA
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This is such a beautifully sad narrative, and the emotions are vivid. What a nightmare to which she awakens after such a lovely time spent together! I'm wondering about this line: "The love the sparks the chemistry was still there. . ." It seems to me that a couple commas are needed for clarity, and maybe a modification of the verb to make if fit, if I'm understanding the sentence correctly. Congrats on your gold!
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Yes it need some commas and when you write sometimes you write faster them one can think thanks for the read and for the great review my friend LISA
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This at the beggining made me feel happy and yay real love kind of feeling, but then when you couldnt have find that love i actually got worried, what i am saying is,you suceeded at taking me to the cruise and experiencing everything. IT was a great poem.
....Simply Me♥ -
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Wow it made you worry can you imagine how the person in the write felt not finding her love never again. Thanks for the read and great review LISA
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Beautiful and strong. You made me believe it, and I was drawn right in. Great job.
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I love when I write and it keep the attention of the reader, it means it was interesting and intriguing enough. Thanks for the great review and the read LISA
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Soft, subtle inflictions of emotion are such a big drawing point for the reader. It pulls you in slowly, without your even realizing what is happening and then before you even know it… you are part of the scene yourself. Nice work!
♥ Touchof1der -
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I am glad you enjoyed this write and it keep you attention that really pleased me thanks for the gran review LISA
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Oh Sis
This pulled on my heart strings
So sad and full of emotion.
But beautiful at the same time.
I love you ~sugar~
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Yes a loss of a loved one is so sad and can never be replaced, Thank you Sis for you review, Love LISA
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Lisa, my Love
I think this was a very metaphorical write about something that happened in your life, but he is not under the sea. I don't want to go into detail, because this is a public site, suffice to say that I know what you are talking about, and my heart cries tears of sadness for you. Keep on trying baby, things will be better soon. There is always hope over the next hill, it's just that those damn hills won't go away. You get over one, and there is another on the horizon, you know the story.
Keep your precious heart safe, and I will try to help you protect it, in any way I can.
I love you,
Brazos
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Thank you sweet you know me well. But all Is fine in the home front. Thank you for your precious words, they really mean alot to me. LISA
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OMG...Ok, there should be a rule that says you have to say whether the story is real or not! This was a sad and intense story, well done and tugging at our emotions here! Good luck in the contest ~Tia
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Thank you dear Glad you enjoyed my write, It was just something I put together in about 20 minutes, At first I didn't know what to write about, "Lost love", Then on The television there was a offer for a cruise. And the Idea hit me. Its not a true story, I made it up, It was well worth it for it gave me the Gold trophy, Thank you again for your great review, LISA
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this caught my attention and held it all the way to the end. thank you for sharing this and if it is real know you have my heart strings crying for you.
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Thank you dear Glad you enjoyed my write, It was just something I put together in about 20 minutes, At first I didn't know what to write about, "Lost love", Then on The television there was a offer for a cruise. And the Idea hit me. Its not a true story, I made it up, Thank you for the Gold trophy, Thank you again for your great review, LISA
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A very beautiful but sad story. There are times when memories just overcome us and we just have to face them no matter how long it has been.
A wonderful piece, my friend.
Soulful Woman
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Thank you dear Glad you enjoyed my write, It was just something I put together in about 20 minutes, At first I didn't know what to write about, "Lost love", Then on The television there was a offer for a cruise. And the Idea hit me. Its not a true story, I made it up, It was well worth it for it gave me the Gold trophy, Thank you again for your great review, LISA
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