I don't know how I got this way
But I know I'm not alright
Regrets are tearing at my skin
Flesh ripping like a reopened wound
You assume I'll be fine here by myself
Left alone to fend off my nightmares
I can feel myself being consumed
I'm not sure what I'm fighting for
I've forgotten which side I'm on
I'm standing on this battlefield
Soaked entirely in my own blood
Wondering how long it will take
For the fatal blow to fall
I'm tired of all these thoughts
Of constantly picking me apart
You think you can save me
But you leave me to my own device
Clutching at my chest I sink to the floor
Trying to catch this breath of mine
I'm locked in my own head again
Tearing at myself, begging to be free
Clawing my nails at all my walls
As they fall all around myself
Sitting in the dark I try to understand
Why it seems these shadows always come
Gripping at this cure solemnly I swear
I'll never fight this again
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow. I usually try to pick a particular line that speaks to me or stanza and comment on the feelings that I get from that stanza but in this I kept hilighting then found more that I liked better. I like your portrayal of the way it feels to fight the battle from inside your head. Thats the hardest battle to fight. I like that you say that you will never fight again but the poem sounds like you will never stop fighting. Its hard to stop the wars that you rage againest yourself. I love this a lot. Great job...
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not bad.
I suggest you go through the poem and find places for punctuation. Period's and some comma's would do wonders to break up the stanzas.
I see a lot of pain in this poem, it's almost vague in the way you describe it.
I love the line "I'm standing on this battlefield soaked entirely in my own blood"
It's a beautiful description of pain and helpless wounding. It's almost like your dying every day to draw a single breath. Also, what is this "cure" you speak of in the second to last line? Tha part confuses me slightly.
How ever it's beautiful and well written. Just make sure to go through and add in the necessary punctuation.
. Rewarded 8
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great
really illistrates angst in the subconscience. this "fight" seems to speak to the few who feel this way.
and thats what brings this poem to life. -
good but vague
I'm not sure how I feel about the way the poem is structured, perhaps its written that way to convey the confused state of mind? imagery is very detailed and makes it very easy to empathize(sp) with the feeling even if the reader has no clue how the person in the poem got to that state
. Rewarded 6
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My first impression is that the persona is very lost and confused - a relatable subject matter. For me, the clarity only emerges at the end 'I'll never fight this again '. Its a tough read because its just 1 long stanza, but perhaps you meant it to sound like a locomotive spewing out smoke. Because this poem sounds like a journal, it might not appeal to everyone but its an honest effort nevertheless.
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the imagery here is wonderful. I really love this poem. It really feels like you put a lot of yourself into it. I can relate to parts of this and I know it's not a fun feeling. Wonderful job on this.
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wow
that is very descriptive...
thats a torn feeling im getting out of this one... the battle on the inside.. using outside type battle to describe in such ways that are dark.. which i like.
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