Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Stand And Fight

Standing on the edge of our lost salvation
as our world endeavors endless trepidation
forgotten was our battle cry
forgotten was our reason why

We stand and fight and ready to die

but we'll never ever fucking know why

a Nobel Peace Prize for El Presidente

teaches us to ignore what Americans say

forgotten was our battle cry

forgotten was our reason why

Stand up and fight, bear this forever

if you're lucky, they'll call you reclaimer 

Raise your flags, black and red

ashes and blood of the martyred dead

They stole away our battle cries

and it's time give a violent reply

For them the end is nigh

and we are the reason why. 

 

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Everlasting-Fallout
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    honestly, I'm not a huge fan of the AABBCC, etc, rhyme scheme, but it works here. Better in some parts than others, but overall it suits the purpose of the poem well. I especially love the lines

    "Stand up and fight, bare this forever
    if you're lucky, they'll call you reclaimer"
    (though I think you meant to use the word "bear" not "bare"

    The rhyme in those two lines is perfect, not seeming forced in any way and flowing amazingly well.

    One of the things I think could be most improved is the ending...it just seems somewhat anticlimatic. Not in content, but in flow and the rhyme, it seems that the poem wants one more line. This, I think, could be remedied by changing the rhyme scheme for the last line and rhyming it with one of the earlier lines, or simply having it not rhyme. Mess around with it, see what you think. As with all advice, that is simply my own opinion. Do with it as you will. Overall though, very well written, and I love the meaning behind the piece.