He’d been spending a lot of time
with royalty lately -
Queen Martini and the Jack of Daniels
were now his closest friends.
Inhaling secondary smoke
and two fists shy of drunk
had developed
into more of a career
than a pastime
and each wasted moment
brought him
one second closer to being wasted.
The bartender had seen
the dog-eared photograph
of cherished wife
whose flaxen hair, blue eyes,
and electric smile were enough
to make a married man
want to cheat.
Talk was
he’d been this way since she died.
But talk was talk
and booze was money.
Some said he drank
his life away -
there were others who knew
she was already gone.
Author notes
AP Name: RuthKephart
Option 2 #3 Queen Martini and the Jack of Daniels
A contest entry
- Like Strands of Fist and Bone by Saint Gut-Free.
600 points, ended October 7, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I AM NOT SIMON by Swan song.
800 points, ended September 8, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 43 of 43
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"Inhaling secondary smoke
and two fists shy of drunk"
Great line, sounds like the intro for a seedy detective story; loved it! In addition, wow...I don't think I've ever seen that many comments on any single poem!
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So sad a story being told here!!!!!! Alcoholism is not a fun thing to deal with and is a very serious problem.....
I have to say that free verse is my favorite type of poetry. Some feel anyone can do it. I think not!!!! It is on the contrary a very difficult type of poem to write and still hold the attention of your reader...... Also, many who don't like it because they either don't get it or they won't give it a chance. Personally I love it and have started, since being on this site, to try my hand at this type writing..... Very good write and thank you for sharing!
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Now I need a double..
this hit home with me on so many levels. Written with a deft touch-alcohol abuse is so often treated in a cliche manner, when it is the most insiduous and destructive of diseases, and so often triggered by something tragic, life changing.
But talk was talk
and booze was money.
xx
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Some said he drank
his life away -
there were others who knew
she was already gone.
drinks do not help when one needs
the person they love
and it can cause its own problems
Riftkin -
Very much in the vein of Bukoski but from second person where much of his work is from first person point of view. A hair confusing at the end but on second read it was very good.
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I love that, isn't it true that so often people down and out have a faded dog eared photo in their pocket. This song is worthy of Johnny Cash, I mean that as the highest compliment.
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A drink is never just a drink. There is always deeper ambitions one has when opening up the bottle. Perhaps one is just trying to numb the pain away as with an anaesthetic. Perhaps one feels less inhibited. But if one caves into the demands of liquor, it is soon discovered that it is harder to kill the pain with drink if drink is the source of pain. But then, this doesn't just become the drinker's pain. This becomes everybody's pain
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I never meant in any way to condone drinking, loss or not, but I'm observant enough to see that some people have no other way to deal with loss than to try to drink their sorrows away. We each have our addiction of choice whether it be a drug, alcohol, exercise, eating, a warm bath, or even writing to help deal with the everyday pain that life bestows upon us. Sometimes life throws more our way than what we can handle and yes, in those times, some people turn to anything they think may numb the pain. A sad tale but one that happens hundreds of times a day in this world. Thank you for your insightful comment
Ruth
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Great!
So simple, yet so very poignant.
With so few lines, I feel for the person so very much.
I wish you luck in the contest.
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Very good.
Great imagery
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this is great. ive known people who were alcoholics for very similar reasons. you did excellent with this!
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Only a very talented poet could write something this great**
This simply wonderful!!! I loved it...
Inhaling secondary smoke
and two fists shy of drunk
had developed
into more of a career
Just amazing
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WOW!!!! This is fantastic! I love it! Sometimes I wish I could drink my self blind, but just the smell of alcohol turns my stomach.
You did a fantastic job on this one! Best of luck in this contest!!!!
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I think that you've put across a moving message in this narrative poem. And yes the last bit was extremely moving. Well done.
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Jesus is the light!
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Title made me read it - I like the last little bit the best where you talk about how she was his life and since she's already gone he doesn't have anything to drink away.... Very nice!!
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i like this...its true...and the title really grabbed me good job
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Real Story of substance abuse
Is dark and real. Alcohol is money. Thanks for the musing lines.
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My favourite thing so far about this option is that there are so many different interpretations of it- so far I've not had two poems of the same theme for it.
I love the picture you paint of a hazy, bluesy bar in this, and the mood of introspect you create by telling the man's story simply through other people's speculation. Your setting of mood is wonderful.
The one thing that tripped me up was your rhythm in one or two places, but this is really negligible, as even in those few places it's not much.
And my one small complaint is that "Queen Martini and the Jack of Daniels" was meant to be your title.
Other than that, awesome job here. Happy clappy for following the rules
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I didn't realize we were supposed to use that as a title. I simply thought it was a title already that we were supposed to use to inspire poetry. If you wish I could edit the title to reflect this as this piece was written specifically for the contest and when I saw the posted title I just ran with it. Let me know. On either hand thank you very much for your comment
Ruth -
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I'd appreciate if you did change the title, please- I don't mean to be pedantic; I've just been pretty critical of people for messing with other option specific rules so I have to be fair- it's of no bearing to the merit of the poetry
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Sorry about that. I changed it for you
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So heartbreaking.
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No,no, no......this could perhaps be commented on by a chimp (lol) but written by one...never! Sometimes personal thoughts such as these get maudlin but not here. A perceptive piece of rhyme - whoops - free verse. Warm thoughts from,
Donald
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Thank you...I wish we could give appause for comments
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Smoothly momentous
Its really nice the way you've expressed the things in the subject life...wonderful.
Warm regards,
Himadri.
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indifference
Sorry for clicking.
Had I known it was free verse I wouldn't have done it, as I detest it with a passion.
Kevin should make it obligatory to declare free verse in the title, so bigots like me don't waste your points.
I shall applaud purely as a way of recompensing you for the waste of points, not because I liked the poem ; I truly believe that a chimpanzee could write free verse, it's so simple.
This probably offends though it wasn't meant to - it's my honest opinion.
Regards,
Robin.
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Robin,
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but just because you don't like a particular form of poetry does not make it crap. This particular poem is freeverse but I also write a lot of very well structured poem with exception meter and rhyme...infact probably more of that than I do write freeverse. Here is a link to one you may enjoy:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/2973702
Ruth
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very very touching deep and says a lot in a littl
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very sad. thats all I can say...
"he’d been this way since she died.
But talk was talk
and booze was money.
Some said he drank
his life away -"
_Creatress_ -
I enjoyed reading this poem because I have seen people who've lost the love in their lives, because something in side of them died. You may not have intended it, but consuming too much alcohol is a living death. There is a heartache of more than one kind in this story poem. Very well done! ~KL
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beautiful and sad
This is a well written and heartfelt piece. It brings to mind Leaving Las Vegas, and the sad and lonely air of that story. The desire to drown our sorrows is ageless as man's struggle with inner demons and loss. Thank you for sharing this and good luck in the contest.
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sounds like a song
I know a song similar to this. I think it is called "Whiskey Lullaby". I think you did well on this. (2 applause. I am out of points, sorry.) -
The sorrow from losing a loved one, sometimes drives people into dark places... most recover, others do not.
"Some said he drank
his life away -
there were others who knew
she was already gone."
Well crafted poem!
Good luck in the contest! ....JustBreathe
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amazing write. i love the story in this piece. gives me so much inspiration!
'Queen Martini and the Jack of Daniels'
haha sharp. good luck!
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This is pretty good. I like it. good work! and good luck in the contest!
Crimson -
This is soooo Sad.........
but very nicely written...It must be a major adjustment to have your life partner pass on leaving the other to carry on day to day with only the memories to get them through the days. Very creative way to name the drinks as though they were actual people...Best of luck in the contest to you and once again this was very nicely written.Thank you for sharing your heart with me this evening!!!~~Toni~~
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The way you gave the names to the drinks as if they were real people is pretty cool. Good luck in the contest.
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strong write
keep writing
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A very touching poem you have here! Heartbreaking.Very put together from beginning to end.Thanks for such a great poem.
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so easy to read
so easy to relate to, so simple yet gracious.
Smile,
Judy
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W2ow what a truth in poetry,very nice write,thanks for sharingPM
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