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EvilFemme

nameless

 

 

 

 

and I will be born
in a pause,

hieroglyphs lifted from skin
Rosetta. All in Greek
bearing gifts & parable

 

 

 

 

and I was a comma
once


encompassed by alphabet;
by definition preceding
language - meaning.

     [ as was every father's
       son

       & every mother's
       daughter ]

 

 

 

and I was nameless
before

not as upon that first
scream - for shape has
a name

but between
the start &
this end

 

 

 

and I was a shine
forever

with her womb polishing
me after I fell -
trying to get
the gleam

just so

 

 

 

 

and I will be born
in this pause -

finished but
incomplete

     [ as is every father's
       son

       & every mother's
       daughter ]

 

 

 

 

 

and I will be

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Malabu
    September 20, 2007

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    I cannot say I am not

    intrigued by the thoughts filtering me to depths where your mind dwells with distinction...nameless before born. A fetus in the making...and where I see the gleam in the eye proliferates to a pause in the womb of creation… you become
    someone with first breath unlearned, unpolished…as life will soon refine what
    every mothers daughter and every fathers son…defines from creation…
    how deep is deep where the mind delivers to us profound thoughts incurred by
    someone’s deliverance…excellent write Kate…
    Mal


  • MuddyKing
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like Rowan's comment..as far as the judging...I've read over all of these and it's been a pleasure, and this piece is exceptional
    I have loved your work from the first time I read it.
    You have a way with letting the reader relate on the real side.
    and that's not an easy task. As for this write, it does have an innocence of Emily, yet there is also an edge of what will be.
    a true contender

    peace and hugs
    Muddy


  • alexandrathegreat
    September 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's philosophical and that I like, it reminds me of Emily Dickinson's works and that I love, it doesn't seem forced it keeps a steady tempo, and I think you'll win gold that's all I have to say.


  • Heart Sutra
    August 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a powerful poem. In every sense of the word this is what I believe real true poetry is about...a revelation, a transformation, a question, an answer, and the truth. Most poets skip around truth and stick to being creative or emotional but this poem covers all the basics and it written in a language that anyone could understand. It has my applause all the way around. I would put this one in the line up if it were my contest.


  • Jaden silver member
    August 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nameless, but not soundless. There is a vibration (even if it's a scream). The allusion to Greeks bearing gifts and parable hints at the essential meaning . . . the simple matter of being is an expression of that which is.

    Having said that, there is an expectation. And not just from mother and father. Some sort of hope of acceptance seems buried behind that which is not spoken.

    "In the beginning there is a word, but when you put your heart into it, the word becomes a totality, love."

    To me this speaks to the totality, albeit hidden, not to incompleteness of the beginning, middle, or end. There will always be incompleteness.

    This poem raises the question without asking a question. Good poem.





  • Lyrical Soul silver member
    August 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    If I actually tried to give a true comment on this piece, I'd simply stutter and trip over every syllable. There are no words to comment this piece as it is above all commentary. I can only hope that IF I pull something together for this contest, it is a fraction of what this piece is. So very well done.

    ~Lyrical

  • Rowan gold member
    August 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ..
    this is excellent. Every entry I read in this contest makes me wonder why I bothered to enter this one. lol.
    Muddy is gonna have one helluva time judging this, with this kind of talented caliber.
    There's so many lines that I liked in this one, I'd end up pasting it in it's entirety. lol.
    Fine, fine work.


  • transcendental baby gold member
    August 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I have to agree with everyone else ... this is amazing ... and man, it speaks!


  • Cherokee
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    That one is out of the park amazing. My favorite line is "I was a comma once" The entire poem touched me and I can't say enough about it. I just love you more and more.


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "and I will be born
    in a pause,

    hieroglyphs lifted from skin
    Rosetta. All in Greek
    bearing gifts & parable"

    Dammmnnn. This is a fabulous piece, my Friend. Ahhh, you are such a Poet, Sweetie. I suspect, much like Muddy & myself, & ohhh, so many others among us, that you simply cannot help it. Good luck in the contest. Wanda

1 - 11 of 11